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Ambiguity

Tomorrow morning I will walk into a new school, and be immediately expected to take over a caseload of 69 kids. And none of that really scares me. Let me tell you what does. I. Hate. Ambiguity.

Sure 69 kids is a ton. And yes, I don't have a lot of experience planning or implementing therapy. But there are a lot of other things I really suck at that make this feel overwhelming. Such as:

• Not being in control. I hate more than anything feeling out of control of a situation. It puts me on edge, and in most cases I will do whatever I can to be back in control. In this situation that is not an option.
• Not having time to plan. I feel confident I can handle most any situation (excluding sports of course) with adequate planning time. In this case it will be walk into the school at 7:30, and be expected to see kids starting at 8. Which of course is not going to happen, but if this were going my way, I'd have at least a week to plan so that I knew exactly what would happen on my first day.
• Lack of logistics. I'm not sure why, but since I was a kid I have wanted to know logistics. I remember my freshman year of high school on the first day my biggest concern was which door to use. Tomorrow it's the same--where do I go when I get there, where is the kitchen/lounge? How will I find my way around school? Where is my room? Do I even have a room?
  
  

So yeah, this week will be interesting. And after tomorrow I will likely feel less overwhelmed. Don't get me wrong, I am excited. Subbing and getting paid for it as part of my internship is amazing and doesn't happen very often. And I'm sure this is good for me too, having to stretch. And, if the day goes awfully, horribly wrong, there will be a nice gin and tonic waiting for me at home.

the new rules

I decided a few days ago I need to write. And I need to not care what other people think, to not write with them in mind. So, we shall see how it goes.

Evening Thanks

It's the first really nice day in South Dakota, and after ending a great day with a great beer, I stepped outside for a bit. In fact, I wore my pajamas and hideous yellow crocs out on the patio to sit a bit and appreciate the night. And randomness came to my mind, random things I was thankful for. And what better place to write randomness than on a blog? Of course. So I thought about how thankful I was for the minute sounds you can hear at night...for the crack of twigs, the neighbor closing a door, the squeak of an unidentified bug or bat, the ability to lateralize and localize those sounds, the pines towering over the yard, for how long the pines have been towering...there is just. so. much. to. be. thankful. for.

Read This

Book #14 of the year, Crooked Letter, Crooked Letter, was a spring break favorite. A little Flannery O'Connor, a little mystery, and a lot interesting. Read it.

The Tsunami

I finished up the previous post, still very relaxed from 3 glasses of rioja, and got ready for bed. I read through my RSS feed as I drank a few bottles of water to rehydrate, and as I turned off the TV to go to sleep, my dad called and said there had been anearthquake and a possible tsunami.

Now, if you know my dad you know he doesn't always listen to the details...so I didn't really think much of it. But, a quick search of the googles and I knew he was right. Our hotel was directly on the beach on Waikiki, and another quick search showed we were in the tsunami inundation zone. I didn't know what to think...I had watched last February when the tsunami was nothing but a few big waves on the beach, but I had also

seen footage of the Indonesian tsunami. Actually, the think that instant

ly came to mind was Nate from Oprah telling his story about losing his partner in the tsunami. Not sure why that stuck out, but it did.

The hour or two after hearing about the tsunami was cha

otic. My dad said he was packing so I followed suit. He was on the phone with the airline, deciding if we should stay or go. Eventually, after hearing th

e area would be shut down, we decided to go. We drove to the

airport, which seemed to be opene

d, and tried to get a hotel room. All of the hotels at the airport were full. We drove around for a while, eventually making the decision we were best off back at the hotel.

Civil defense sirens had been blaring hourly since about 10 PM, and as we drove back into Waikiki around 1:45 AM, cops were on the street making lo

udspe

aker announcements to clear the streets. We made our way back to the 14th floor, littered with refugees from lower floors curled up with their comforters in the hallway. I knew we were going to try to fly out around 6 AM, so I tried to get some sleep until the event started. It was diffic

ult because every 15 minutes or so the hotel made annou

ncements over an intercom system...I had no idea the intercom even existed.

Around 3 AM I got up and went out on the balcony. It was ca

lm, and lots of people were on their balconies watching. There were a few helicopters in the sky, beaming light down on Waikiki. I'm not sure if the were sweeping the beach for people or checking out the surf. At one point four or five people from a

hotel down the way got in the water, but as soon as the helicopter appeared they got out again.

The event itself wasn't really that dramatic, although it was interesting. You could see the water receding, being drawn out by some unseen force. When it came back it sounded like a freight train, but the waves didn't come up too high. I watched this hap

pen a few times, the water turning foamy near the shore, but other than the receding and waves coming back, it was really a nonevent on Waikiki. Which was great. Around 4 I went back to sleep, and by 5:30 we left for the airport.

The pictures aren't great, taken in the dark of night with a camera phone, but they do show a bit of the strangeness of the ocean, and the helicopters flying around.

Gotta Say...

Gotta say...despite the cold I have I just enjoyed an a.m.a.z.i.n.g. dinner at The Beachhouse at the Moana. I am clinging to a piece of research I read that says that moderate exercise during a cold helps to shorten the duration, so I spent 30 minutes or so on the elliptical today hoping that I would be able to better enjoy the last few days I have in Waikiki...

and enjoy I did. The appetizer was a bowl of Maui onion soup which I shared with my mom, and for mains a filet mignon (again, shared with my mom) which was cooked per.fect.ly. Sides were parmesan mashed potatoes and garlic butter/cayenne fresh corn. Mmm.mmm.mmm. Along side...a few glasses of an outstanding rioja. And for dessert? Yep...rum creme brulee. delish.

And the atmosphere...grand. A banyan tree in the courtyard, uplit, music....a beautiful dinner.

Sick.

Ick. I hate being sick...especially on vacation. My mom has had what sounds like whooping cough (it's not) the whole time we've been here, and I finally caught a bug. I can't complain too much though because there's no better time to be sick than when you have absolutely nothing to do.

So, the plan is to wait it out on the beach. I drove around the eastern part of Oahu yesterday, and have been toying with the idea of making it to Pearl Harbor at some point, but today the idea of sitting on a chair and maybe reading is winning out due to said cold.

On Tuesday I sat on my chair and finished book #13, The Oracle of Stamboul. I really enjoyed it...there was kind of an ominous feel as though the protagonist could fall into danger in any number of ways at any moment, but it never happened. I would highly recommend it. I'm not sure what today's reading adventure will be yet.