For Real

It's been a long time since I've written for real. Partly because there have been some hard things, partly because I want to avoid that private/public line where when people read something, they cringe because you just shouldn't have shared.

So yeah, some tough times with a friend. That's about all I'm willing to say about it. It's not mine to share, but it definitely kept me from writing for a while.

Other than that, I've been trying to work out consistently and get healthier. I've been hesitant to write about it, but at some point it's just like hey, you can all see it anyway, so why not acknowledge it. The kicker was some pictures I saw of myself which made my jaw fall to the floor...seriously, how did I not know I looked like that?

Anyway, the process of getting healthier has been interesting. I've done weight watchers before, but didn't really see that as a way to live for a long period of time. So instead I rejoined the gym, and have been trying to make better food choices. Not perfect, but better than before. When I rejoined the gym one of the trainers showed me how to use the weight machines, which was new to me, so that's been cool. It feels awesome to walk up to one of them, and not stare at it like an idiot. And surprisingly, it's not weird at all that they're in front of all the cardio. machines. In fact, I can't see anyone behind me, so it's kind of like they disappear.

I'm not planning any sort of before/after pictures, or updates much, unless it comes up in something else I feel like writing about. But yeah, it's been a big deal for me lately, so it's here.

Which reminds me, I went to a "matfusion" class tonight, which was supposed to be a blend of pilates and yoga. I hate yoga, love pilates. Well, the class was weighted more to the latter, and the room was ridiculously warm. And it wasn't the hot kind of yoga either, just too darn humid in the midwest. And I was pissed. Two years ago I did yoga with a couple of friends, and I had no problem holding downward dog, or any of the other poses...tonight, bah. I had to stop a few times and modify the pose, or just wait it out. It made me mad. Usually getting pissed about stuff like that doesn't really motivate me, but somehow it did tonight. I finished the class, but swore to not go back until I'm stronger.

I've also been hanging out with people from my new church quite a bit. When I was in San Jose this past weekend, I sat in my old chuch, and just had this overwhelming moment of feeling blessed. Blessed to have all of my people in CA, but also to have people to come home to. At one point a few years ago I watched the series Six Feet Under, and saw an episode about a woman who died alone, and no one found her for a seriously long time. It made me think, and I realized then that there were definitely people who would find me. This weekend I realized I now have that in Sioux Falls too. It's a strange way of measuring things, I know, but it works for me. If I were to die, I know someone would come and find my body before I was too badly decomposed.

So that's really what's going on.

For the random fun of it, here's a picture of the clouds in town tonight. Magnificent.