void

This may be a boring post, but that's the good thing about a blog-you don't have to read it. Or, you can read it and then tell your friends how boring it was. Or just think that to yourself, or maybe say it out loud. You choose.

The past few weeks have been weird. I've been thinking a lot about leaving, and that's been difficult, especially since it's totally my choice. I've also been awful at school. I just dread going, and even thinking about tomorrow morning makes me count the hours before I have to go there again. So much patience required right now...waiting for the school year to be over, and now waiting to know if my nephew has Down's Syndrome. It just seems like parents as young as my brother and sister-in-law shouldn't have to deal with something like that.

I've also been thinking a lot about future jobs. I've sort of been going into the move with the attitude that I likely won't get a job I love, so one that is okay will have to do. In fact, that's sort of how everything has felt lately. A totally selfish attitude, particularly when things like a new job are brought about by my decisions, but hey. What is a blog if not self-absorbed?

So I came home one day this week to find an envelope from my college. They're changing how they counsel people about career searching, so they're getting rid of all the paper files, including the mounds of paper required for education majors. So I got mine, and reading it was a mistake in the midst of future uncertainty. I'm not sure how much professors exaggerate when they write letters of recommendation, but it was totally depressing to read about how high their expectations of me were. Inadequate is too small a word for how I feel about the actual accomplishments compared to the predictions.

Some ass in the workout room today added to feeling like I've accomplished nothing. In the gym at my apartment there are two TVs. I had one on MTV, and this kind of young-ish, lawyer-looking guy asked me if I was watching it. I said yes, and told him he could turn on the other one if he wanted, it wouldn't bother me. He said "Oh, I think it might distract you." I thought that was kind of weird, but I let it go.

So he turned on CSPAN. People really watch CSPAN? And he wasn't even old, crotchety, or anything...so whatever. There was an author talking about his book on the current administration. I flipped my attention back and forth between CSPAN and True Life: I'm in a Biracial Relationship. The guy interrupted me a few more times, to ask when the workout room opens (I have no idea, I just started working out this week), and something about how the bike works (again, no idea). Then, at the end, as he walked out he said "So, was CSPAN better than you thought it would be?" What an ass. I wanted to say "I can watch CSPAN too, bitch." I didn't. But maybe I should have. And he was totally watching MTV too. Jerk.

So there. A boring post? Perhaps. You didn't have to read it. But now you did and you can go tell your friends how boring it was. Don't forget to mention the CSPAN guy, and how I'm totally smart enough to watch CSPAN, I just don't choose to sometimes.