Now appearing on Oprah and South Park

I admit it...I love South Park. And every now and then there's an episode so outrageous, a story so ridiculous, that it can't possibly be true. I figure they must be using some incredibly fabricated plot to poke fun of a truth that's a little less ridiculous.

Then, days or months later I find out that the plot actually IS true.

This has happened to me at least three times so far: an episode about Christian scientists, an episode about the foundations of Mormonism, and most recently....an episode about NAMBLA.

Couldn't be real you say? There couldn't possibly be something out there called the North American Man/Boy Love Association. Not so. Not only is it on South Park, today it's also on Oprah.

This is so much fun!

Teaching Sucks Sometimes

This week, and I know it's only Tuesday, has made me want to quit teaching very badly. I woke up in a good mood yesterday, but the day just went downhill. First, a parent who wants me to figure out why her daughter doesn't have friends, and to help her make friends. Okay...manageable though not really what I want to do. Then, yesterday after school a mother yelled at me.

Not a discussion, or rational talking, but YELLING. And in front of other people on the parking lot. Over something ridiculous. I don't mind parents disagreeing with me or asking me about why I choose to do what I do. But this was nothing like that. She was just M-E-A-N.

I need a mental health day and soon. It's only September... The bright light in all of this is that the Gilmore Girls' premier is tonight. Whee.

Camping

The camping is over for another year! Yea!

It actually wasn't that bad. The worst part was sleeping on a barely there mattress thrown over a hunk of wood. The cool night air was actually nice. I told the kids I think there is nothing better than being cozy warm in bed with the air all cool around you. I also let them know they are the only people I go camping for, and only once a year.

In terms of the actual activities of the trip, the zip line and "flying squirrel" were the most fun. I was nervous about both because I'm afraid of heights, but I couldn't not do them in front of the kids. The flying squirrel is this cable that's attached to a pulley high in the trees. A person is harnessed to the cable on one end, and a bunch of people pull the cable on the other end to hoist the person high in the air. The kids decided to run super fast so that I shot up into the air very quickly. Well done, 7th graders.

I also learned "what's going on" in the 7th grade. My cabin wanted to talk about....what else? The boys. They were shocked to learn that I have some vague ideas of what goes on their social lives. They went around the next day saying "Watch out...Miss D knows everything about us." Rock on.

We're going camping now, we're on our way...

Does anyone remember that song from Psalty? The big blue songbook and the kids go on a camping trip...there's a little girl who gets lost from the group and sings "I cast all my cares upon you."

Well, I'm going camping. Not exactly by my choice, but rather with my middle schoolers. This weekend is our "spiritual retreat." I did not name it that. Last year we California camped, in cabins with bathrooms and electricity. This year it's tent cabins for us...cabins sans real doors and windows, only canvas coverings. Have I mentioned I don't really love nature?

I love walking around in nature. Looking at bugs, trees, and caves even. Hiking? Nope. Going to the bathroom far away from where I'm sleeping? Nope. And if I'm going to go without electricity I want it to be somewhere tropical.

So I'm curious to see how this all will go. If it gets awful I'll teach the kids the Psalty songs and make them sing. Somehow I don't think they'll get the humor in it though. This class is strange that way. My colleague Becky and I have talked about it, and they just don't "get us." The other day I was telling a story about getting sick on a plane, and at a part where kids usually laugh, they didn't. So I said "Wow, you guys never smile or laugh, what's up?"

And one kid raised his hand, and with a straight face said "Miss De? We don't think puke is funny."

Okay then...

Today the same kid was fishing a "cool bottle" out from behind the neighbor's fence, bordering the playground. It turned out to be a Bombay Sapphire bottle, though I didn't share that with him. I asked the rest of the kids if they were putting anything OVER the fence, since the neighbors often call the school and complain. They said no....and looked guilty. I asked again, and one kid said:

"Um, well, just some poo."
Me: What? Poo? You threw poo over the fence?
Another kid: No, we didn't throw it. He had a pretzel and he dipped it in and threw it over

Well, now that's much better, isn't it?

Another Reason to Love the Grey Psalter Hymnal

It seems silly to be sad about it, but today was my nephew's baptism. I had wanted to be home with my family for it, but it didn't work out for various reasons. I thought about the baptism briefly when I woke up, but I wasn't going to dwell on it.

Browsing through the bulletin at church, I realized that there was a baptism scheduled this morning. It was the child of a German couple who are studying here, who had no family with them to witness the baptism. And as we read the form for baptism out of the grey psalter, I realized that although my family is far away, as is the family of the child baptised here, we were reading exactly the same form for baptism and making the same promises here and there.

I think that's what I love about tradition and churches with history--you are always liturgically connected. It made me feel a little better about missing my nephew's baptism.

Poo

The show is off....someone in it had a family emergency and this weekend's performances have been cancelled. That means no Amanda and Jason. Rats!

It did cheer me up though that tonight, while having dinner at the pastor's house, his son said goodbye to me by saying "Bye, Brandon!!!" I guess it's his middle name and is close enough to mine to pass...

Funny

A girl in my class asked me today how she should write an answer to a question. She said "Miss D, should we write it in a complete sentence, or can we use bulletin points?"

Jason Comes to My Town

This weekend was so much fun! It's been forever since I've seen Jason, and he happened to be in the neighborhood and came to visit.

Not only did he grill and drink Sofia Coppola's wine from a pink can as evidenced by the pictures, he also talked to my kids at school, and learned about where to buy real clavicles in the Bay Area.

The school thing was a riot. The kids absolutely loved him. He talked about how he uses reading and writing as an actor, and they asked questions....lots of questions. I think they knew that if they asked questions we wouldn't have to do anything else in class.

I was surprised at some of the really great questions they asked, like how he becomes inspired for a role, what director he'd like to work with, etc.

They also asked him to sing and act, which was great. He
did a Shakespeare monolgue for them, and sang a bit from Kiss Me Kate. Probably the best part of his visit was when they asked for his autograph. One girl had been folding a paper fan during his talk, and she asked him to sign her fan so that she could sell it on Ebay if he becomes famous. He said "If?" and she replied "Well, yeah....you know...." all practical and all. Another girl had him sign her vocabulary worksheet. What could be cuter than that?

Next weekend: Amanda and Jason, whoo-hoo!!!!!

School has been exhausting. This week has been full of drama, unfit for posting publicly. Suffice it to say seventh graders don't always consider the consequences of their actions. Or rarely. Maybe never.

I have collected a few funny kid stories so far this year. First, a conversation taking place outside my room. The kids are two fifth grade boys.

Kid A: Hey, man, in 5th grade everyone gets girlfriends!
Kid B: Girlfriends? No way! All they do is take all your allowance.
A: No they don't. Not that much...maybe 2 dollars a week.
B: Two dollars? I only get five! It's not worth it.
A: But everyone has one. I bet you can't get one in a month.
B: A month? You only start to make a friend in a month. I just met you three weeks ago and we're barely friends.

I tried to laugh quietly so they wouldn't get embarrased.

This morning I saw kid B again...to preface this story, our school has outdoor hallways. Each hallway has an overhang held up by poles. So I'm walking to my room, and Kid B is with another fifth grade boy by one of the poles. He's putting his left foot right next to the pole, so that the outside of his leg and foot are touching it. Then, he puts his right foot in front of that one, and grabs onto the pole. As I walk by I hear him say "And that's how you do a sit spin. You just grab onto the pole and do that."

I'm not sure if he was actually trying to teach the other kid pole dancing, but I was laughing so hard I couldn't have asked him if I wanted to.

I've wanted to see the movie Hardcore for a long time, but for one reason or another never got to it. When I was in college I saw the writer/director, Paul Schrader, speak at a Faith and Writing Conference. He was interesting to listen to because he was born into the CRC in Grand Rapids, and ended up leaving.

In the movie, Jake Van Dorn is looking for his daughter who has run away from a Young Calvinist convention to work in the porn industry. Along the way he meets a stripper who helps him look for his daughter. A lot happens, but what I really thought was funny/poignant/interesting was this: Jake and the girl are sitting in the airport, waiting for a flight. They start discussing beliefs, and he explains TULIP (major tenets of Calvinism) to her. Her reaction? No wonder you're so fucked up. Brilliant.

Does It Make You Chuckle?

So Dave and I have been having a conversation lately about what's funny, and if it's different for men and women. Mostly, it comes up because there are certain things I just do NOT think are funny, but most guys do. Like The Big Lebowski (or any other Coen brothers movie, really), and Monty Python, and Mr. Show.

We both like Ali G, but different parts, and for different reasons. So we've been talking, and I've been thinking about what gender has to do with humor. Some other friends hypothesize that women like humor where they can relate to the situation, and guys like more detached, absurd or physical humor.

I'm not sure though...I'd love to hear what other people think. And is there anything out there that most women find funny that men don't?

First Happy Child Moment of the New Year

This morning two of my now eighth grade girls came in and said they had a present for me. I was a little surprised, but thought it would be fun. It turns out they finished a story they had started writing with another friend during seventh grade, last year. They must've finished it over the summer, photocopied it, and gave me their first copy. They told me not to read the last page until I was finished with the whole book, but I couldn't stop myself. It was so cute! They thanked me for taking away their first book during class last year because it gave them ideas for this one, and thanked me for my "support" and help. How sweet! Oh, and when they become published and make gads of money they promised to remember me.

Jetta Report

As a Jetta owner, I find the Jetta Report really interesting. And darn good marketing.

Uh, Really?

Here's some text I found in a news article about Pluto's demotion to "dwarf planet":

"The shift will have the world's teachers scrambling to alter lesson plans just as schools open for the fall term."

Give us some credit. As a middle school teacher, counting out eight planets instead of nine does not top my list of current crises. The girl whose lace bra is on display? There's a crisis.

Bulletin Board

Here are some pictures of my bulletin board. The one on the left is a close-up of one of the postcards--this one is the immaculate coneption. The flash got a little weird. The blob in the upper left hand corner of the bulletin board actually says "What's your story?"

hip, hip, hooray!

The first day of school was a smashing success. My homeroom is fun, and they laughed at my jokes. No funny kid stories yet, but I'm celebrating the day with some great pinot grigio. Whoo-hoo!

First Day!

Tomorrow is our first day of school, ahhhh! No, actually, I'm feeling quite ready. The difference between last year and this year is amazing. It really helps seeing friendly faces around, and knowing some of the parents. My homeroom parents seem overwhelmingly supportive. I even had a few offer to grade things and help out. There is one psycho mom who will send me to an early grave, but overall I'm impressed.

I've never been a bulletin board person, but I'll have to post pictures of one I made this year. I guess "made" might be a little strong. I was at the Christian bookstore (yes, again there were crazies there, raving against the American Girls books carried there) and I found a book of the "postmodern Bible." It's a series of postcards by different artists and their interpretations of different stories in the Bible. They turned into a very fun bulletin board--not too cheesy, but colorful and intriguing, in my humble opinion.

I also completed a task today that was supposed to be finished before school started LAST year--I got a TB test. Seeing as how the clinic is about 300 feet from my apartment, I should have had it done a long time ago. I guess late is better than never though, at least when it comes to TB.

Score!

Finding devotional books for my middle schoolers is difficult. Either they're too childish (Does your brother or sister ever say mean things?), or they're way too mature (Maybe your friend has been raped). I have one book that I really like, Devotions by Dead People: Secrets from Beyond the Grave. Kids like it because it's kind of quirky, with little epitaphs after each devotional. I also like it because it goes a little deeper into the lives of the "dead people."

Today I found another score--Taming a Liger: Unexpected Spiritual Lessons from Napoleon Dynamite. The kids at our school LOVE Napoleon Dynamite. It doesn't matter that the movie is now getting old, they love it. There's a kid who looks just like Pedro. So yeah, score.

Children at Church are Funny

Church today was pretty funny. The children's message was about the Tower of Babel, and the kids were great. The person leading the message asked the kids if they could explain what happened at the tower. One kid raised her hand, and gave a very succinct, accurate answer. Once she was done, the adult leading it moved on. However, a very persistent kid kept his hand in the air. The leader finally called on him, and the kid said "Um, Jesus went on the cross!"

Then, after church, I was chatting with some people outside. I was catching up with one woman when her granddaughter walked up to us. I said hello, but the kid wouldn't reply. So I said "oh, she's being shy." Her grandmother said no, no way, she's not shy. She tried to get her to say hi, but the girl only stared at me. And kept staring. Her grandmother asked her a question, but the girl just kept staring. It was starting to get weird. The others standing there said she was entranced...weird.

Nellie's daughter also acted like she's never seen me before.

Lesson learned? I scare children. Strange.