Yay for SLP!

So right now my college class is evaluating me...hope it's going well. Anyway, I can't be in the room, so I'm spending a few minutes here in my office. (My keys are safely in my pocket for the remainder of the night)

Today I shadowed an SLP (Speech and Language Pathologist), and it was awesome. She works with people with disabilities, and does mostly adaptive technology and "speech stories," which are pictures that tell a story or a schedule. Very cool. It definitely confirmed that it's something I want to pursue. I'm not sure I'd want to work in the setting she does, but we got to talk about a lot of different aspects of the job, and it sounds really cool. Hooray for SLP!

Fall/Winter Tidbit

My hair is getting longer, maybe even long-ish, and there's one big benefit for the winter--it keeps your ears warm! Just thought you all should know that.

My Shadow

I'm so excited about tomorrow. No, it's not that I heart Columbus Day, or Native American Day as it's known here in SD. Although neither of those is bad....well, maybe Columbus Day is bad if you're a Native American, I don't know...

But I'm excited because tomorrow I'm going to shadow a Speech and Language Pathologist, which is what I'm going to be going back to school for. The person I'm going to shadow works with adults with developmental disabilities, so I'm really interested to see how that goes. I'm afraid that doing this though will make the last 2 and a half months of work go even more slowly. Oh well, what are you going to do? I found out I'll be going on a work trip about a week and a half before I leave my job, so that ought to be fun.

Since I'm sure many, many of you are eager to know more about speech and language pathology, I'll give you an update after tomorrow. Oh, and after I teach my class tomorrow night and then go to sleep, exhausted from teaching intensely about the sheltered instruction observation protocol.

More later!

Some bullet points

Nothing coherent tonight, but here are some bullet points:

• I am officially disillusioned with Obama. I'd like to still think he's a little better than the rest, but he's pretty darn close to being just like all the other politicians. Maybe Nader should get a better chance next time around.

• I drove around most of rural SE SD today, and one school I stopped at was having Spirit Week. There was a poster in the hall of all the spirit days, and one caught my eye--"Cowboys and Indians Day." For real. And the description under the day was hilarious--"Remember the game Cowboys and Indians? We dress like them."

• I spent at least an hour and a half tonight picking up sticks from my front yard. More like twigs, mostly. Do you know how boring and irritating it is to pick up thousands of twigs from inbetween rocks and grass and plants? Grrr. It also tore up my hands. I should've known I'm more of a townhouse/condo girl. I need to find a neighbor kid to be a stick picker-upper. I've probably scared all the kids off though. A few weeks back someone rang my doorbell, and I knew it was one of the neighbor kids because they had been playing outside. So I outsmarted them. I knew they would come back to look if I went outside or to do it again, so I stood by my front door. As the little girl from next door came whipping around the corner, I was standing right there. I opened the door and asked her if she needed anything, and she said no. I asked if she had rung the doorbell, and of course she said no. I think the teacher voice/look worked because she hasn't been back since.

• I am not buying any Halloween candy this year. Last year my hopes and dreams for handing out Halloween candy were dashed when only 1 little kid came by. Never again. This year it's dark and blinds for anyone who tries it.
  

The Dark

This darkness is going to kill me. Not the metaphorical darkness either, but this dang getting dark in the middle of the day business. Seriously, I looked out on the lawn and thought about mowing, but it was already dusk at 6:45 tonight. Driving home from the grocery store at 7:30, it was pitch black. And for some reason, it just doesn't feel right to be all up and about doing things when it's pitch black outside. It makes my body think it's time to curl up on the couch under a blanket. Bah!

On the topic of darkness, I've been reading Kathleen Norris' latest book, Acedia and Me: A Marriage, Monks, and a Writer's Life. I like it for a couple of reasons. The first is that I can relate to the restless, always wanting change part of acedia. I get that. I also like it because it lets the reader in on things that were just sort of thrown out there in her other books. She mentioned her husband's breakdowns in other books, but you really get to know it here. Perhaps I'm a little too nosy, but with this one it feels like you know what was really going on when she wrote the others.

Since a trinity of topics usually makes something better, I'll come up with a third. Did you know that on Blogger you can have followers? And I have one! How cool is that?

Note to self: Do not ever leave keys on your desk at your adjuncting job and close the self-locking door. If you do so, you will have to use a student's cell phone to call campus security since with all the construction you can't find a public phone. Campus security will tell you they don't have a key for faculty offices, but they will try anyway. They will come and try their one magic key, but it will not work. They will tell you that maintenance has a key, but they won't be on campus until 11pm, which has you arriving home at about 12:30 AM. You will need to call the dean who gave you her home phone number, but who is now in Tennessee. You will then try the head of the department whose pod so graciously houses your office, but he will not be home either.

Then, miraculously, one of your students will know an emergency maintenance number and will dial it for you. You will talk to an understandably grumpy man who is 10 miles out of town but will ever so slightly grudgingly come back to let you in to your office. Your class will cheer when you return with your purse and other belongings, and you will be much, much more careful next time.

Check

So, a decision has been made. I'm going back to school in January! Yay! I'm super excited about it. I just applied online last night, and since I'm applying as an undergrad. to do some prerequisites before entering an M.A. program, they asked for my high school transcripts. Seriously? I'm hoping we can forego that. I kind of had forgotten that high schools had transcripts...

Anyway, so that's the really exciting news. In other news, I went to the zoo last weekend with my family, which was awesome. There were tons of exciting animals, and two giraffes getting it on. Those pictures are not blog appopriate, or at least I'd feel weird posting them.

So here's an animal that made me laugh: A bashful sun bear.

When I make decisions I feel the need to talk about them, incessantly. And right now I'm thinking about decisions...what to do in the next few months, years, etc. I think I've chosen (go back to school, again), but before I make it official I think I need to talk about it more.

Maybe it's dramatic, but making a decision like going back to school seems so much more weighty now than it did when I went back one year after college. Granted, a lot has changed since then, but now it feels like a much more final decision. It's probably because my 30th birthday is around the corner, and I'm still not sure what I want to do with my life.

That's not exactly true either, though. Teaching a college class has made things more clear...teaching is definitely my calling, it's just a matter of where and who. And as much as being almost 30 makes me feel like I should pick a path and stick to it, I also recognize there's a whole lot of time left to do different things. Someone once asked me if my family thinks I'm "flighty," and I wasn't sure how to take it. I'm still not, but I recognize why he asked.

Anyway, I suppose in total there's not much to say tonight, but like I said, I needed to talk about it.

It's back

I've been without a microwave for 3 weeks, and yesterday it came back! I should or could probably write some long reflection on how taking more time to prepare food made me more aware of where my food comes from, etc., etc., but I'm really just thankful that heating up lunch won't take up my whole lunch break anymore.

not sleeping yet...

I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be able to sleep right now, even though it's past my bedtime. So I'm staying up trying to get tired (in lieu of taking drugs), but it doesn't seem to be working. It may be another melatonin night...

So while I'm not sleeping, I've decided to write a bit. Not about anything particularly interesting, just things. I spent most of today trying to set up a wireless router for my brother, and again realized why I love the Mac. After 2 or 3 hours of trying to figure it out, I could not. I ended up writing the helpdesk for his ISP (they're not open on Sundays), and got an e-mail back that I had to reboot the modem. Duh. Except for one thing...I'm not sure where it is. His ethernet cable plugs directly into the wall. Am I supposed to unscrew the plate covering it? Is it hiding on the other side of the wall? I'm not sure...it will take more investigating.

I had then planned to go to my office (yes, adjuncts get offices!) and work on tomorrow's lesson plan, but my nephew was too darn cute to leave. I'll save you the "he's so cute" stories, and just say that when I kissed him goodby he said "do it again," and screamed at me out the window as I left. Ah, the affections of a 2 year old.

Even with the playing around with him, I had planned to go to an English faculty reading. But, that would have meant missing a walk with my brother and sister-in-law and said cute nephew. I couldn't do it, and the walk was something I really needed anyway. A good choice I think.

Driving back, I was pleased to be able to once again listed to podcasts on my iPod, after having the cigarette lighter fixed. Who knew that if a penny got stuck in there it would short out? Okay, maybe you did, but I didn't. And I didn't put the penny in there on purpose. I just found it that way, really. I was pleasantly surprised that the repair cost me only $1. Seriously, I don't usually get out of there for under $200. And I also learned they're not called cigarette lighters anymore, but something like "power port," or whatever. Regardless, I'm happy it's fixed. I always figured that having a phone charger in my car would save me if ever trapped out in the snow, and in order for that to work, the "power port" must be functional. I'll have to watch out for those rogue pennies though...

Anyway, I'm sorta tired now, and seeing as how I do have to get up regardless of when I fall asleep, I'm going to go find a sleeping pill and wait for the cats to get in cahoots with one another to decide what tonight's uncomfortable sleeping predicament will look like.

Class!

If my cat would stop licking my computer, I'd like to write and tell you about class. (Kitties must like the MacBook Pro too!)

Class is awesome. Basically, teaching college kids rocks. At least upper level ones who are interested in your class and what you are teaching. I've never taught a required class (or any other college class before), but I'd imagine it's different.

These kids (can I call them that?) are awesome to teach. Seriously, I think that this is what I was trying to do the whole time I was teaching middle school. In thinking about that, I've realized that I was almost always disappointed with the outcome of what I'd planned with my middle schoolers. I've been planning the same types of activities with college kids, and it works. Maybe I was expecting too much from 7th and 8th graders.

Oh, and these guys are actually interested in the topic for something other than a grade. I had 2 girls (there is only one guy in the class) come up to talk with me about topics during our breaks last week. That NEVER would have happened in middle school. Here I get to share stories and outside resources with the students, and they're interested.

These guys are also polite. Last week a girl was eating chips in class and I asked her to stop. She came up and apologized after class. This week a girl had her cell phone ring in class, and the guy (the only one) was late, and both of them came up to apologize after class. Amazing...that definitely doesn't happen in middle school. In middle school you're lucky they're not farting on purpose during class.

Enough oohing and aahing over my college kids. Let's just say I love 'em.

Me and My Boy

And all the rabbits went home...

It's been tough to write lately. Some of it's busyness, but some of it is also feeling aggravated a lot, and not really wanting to write incredibly boring or lame posts. I'm over that though, recognizing that no one is forced to read. :)

The aggravation is mostly work-related, as I am feeling like I don't really agree with what's going on there, and how the program I work for is working (or not working). So that kind of leaves me flat at the end of the day, and with a vast amount of discontent. I'm not really sure what to do with that, except maybe use it as incentive to get my butt to the gym. We shall see.

So since work is not at the top of my enjoyment list right now, I have really been enjoying my free time. I include teaching my class in there, and I'm really, really liking it. I think it's something I'd like to keep doing. I'm not sure about full time b/c that would probably involve moving again and a PhD, neither of which I'm ready to do right now. But it's definitely something I am feeling like is a great outlet. The first class was scary, and sweaty (so dang hot in the building), but the last one (my second) was really good. I know the students a bit now, and they're a lot of fun. I did have to ask a girl to stop eating chips during class, and felt a bit bitchy when she said she didn't have time for dinner, but oh well...chip eating during class is annoying.

I've also been hanging out with the family, and this weekend we went to the county fair with one of my nephews and his fam. We ate all the typical fair foods, watched a big cat show (my mom and sister-in-law thought it was going to be oversized domestic cats...it was tigers), and walked through many an animal barn. All night I wanted to go to the poultry/rabbit barn because my nephew loves bunnies. Alas, when we got there, all the cages were empty and there was sawdust piled on the floor. All the bunnies had gone home.

Here are some pictures of what they did have at thefair:


Llamas, and I kid you not, some of them were in costume.

Pigs in the swine barn. Baby pigs were promised, but not delivered.

What I can only call "farm implements," because I don't know the names of really any of the machinery. I do know that family wanted pictures taken in the machinery, but my nephew was not so into the plan.

The fair also had duckies you could pluck out of a pond for $2, and earn this incredibly loud horn. Thankfully the horn had to go "nigh night" before we got in the car.
The fair in all its glory

So I was reading Engrish.com tonight, and came across this, which reminded me of a good story from this summer. My parents took a vacation at the same time as my brother and sister-in-law, which meant they could hang out with my nephew a whole bunch. So one day they're at the park, and my nephew must have found a few other kids to play with. My parents were talking to them, and this is how my dad explained what happened next. He said "Well, I asked him if he wanted some candy. I told him he could come over to my car and I would give him some candy." At which point I shrieked "You did not!! That's totally what a kidnapper does." And my dad said "Well, I wasn't going to kidnap him. But he said he couldn't come over to my car, so I left the candy by his bike."

It might be way funnier if you know my dad, but I thought it was pretty darn funny.

random

Did you ever notice that anytime there's a computer used on a commercial or a tv show, it's a Mac? For reals, check it out.

So, more things...

I started teaching my class last night, and I was really quite pleased with how it went. I was kind of freaking out before it started, especially with a pile of copying to do and a copy machine that is also a printer, which meant my piles of copies were obscuring real professors' printouts. Not a good first impression.

Anyway, the kids (can I call them that?) seem cool. I've got eight girls and one guy, and so far all of them seem to want to be there, at least nominally. That's already an improvement from middle school. I did find myself saying things to them that only really apply if they're 12. Like I handed out post-it notes for an activity, and as I was giving them to the groups, I was saying "Please do not do anything with the post-it notes until I tell you to." I'm pretty sure now that wasn't necessary.

Preparing for my class was pretty much the bulk of my Labor Day weekend. I did get a chance to hang out with Ang and Ryan and child, so that was awesome too. Tonight I watched the last episode of The Wire. Awesome.

Random thought for today--although the threat of winter is an awful thought, cooler September weather is nice for mowing lawn.

So, things...

Things are starting, and it's freaking me out. I'll be teaching a college class for the first time this semester, and it's a little terrifying. I was wondering why I was having the beginning of the year teaching nightmares, and recently realized this is why. My brain was just mixed up and put middle-schoolers in the dreams instead of college students.

I'm also totally excited. So if any of my students are googling me and find this, know that I am totally excited and will be over the fear soon enough.

It was also an exciting day on the lake...a bunch of the family was out on the boat, and it was really hot. It might gross you out, but it was the hot kind of day where you sweat through your swimming suit in the most inopportune places. So we stopped to swim, which when well for a while. I dove in, and even got to swim with my nephew for a few minutes before he freaked out. My sister-in-law was about to jump in when she dropped the ladder on her foot and sliced her toe open.

I'm not sure if it's a well-known fact, but I'm not good with other people's blood, and wow, was there blood. It turns out the ladder sliced her toe right down the top, basically severing it into two parts. And the whole time this was going on, I was in the water, right below the back of the boat and the toe-blood. The poor girl was also in so much pain (and probably in shock) that she was coming in and out of consciousness. Let's just say it was an ordeal to get back to the house and up the stairs from the dock. My job, after getting back on the boat through the blood pool, was to keep my nephew from not freaking out because his mom was bleeding.

Anyway, she's okay, and doesn't need a prosethetic toe, as one of my brothers was joking. I have to say it did turn my stomach in knots though.

And now, more of Season 5 of The Wire. It's so good.

Summer doesn't really lend itself to writing, so here's the update. More hanging out at the lakes, and this week a few days for work at a county fair in rural SD. That was interesting...real farmers in Wranglers and boots, old creepy men, and a hot tub salesman who hand-wrote his signs.

Sometimes You Learn Something at the Grocery Store

Sometimes I learn things in weird ways. Like I occasionally have these strange but very instructive dreams, where when I wake up, I feel as though I've actually gained real insight into some kind of experience or situation. I can't really explain it, but I'm always thankful when I wake up and feel like I learned something. Very efficient.

Anyway, last night I learned things at the grocery store. I realized what I'm going to write is probably stuff that normal people know. However, I do not know a lot of things normal people here know, like how to take care of a lawn, run a lawn mower, or really anything else that has to do with the outdoors. I digress...let's just say I'd like to be more domestic than I am sometimes.

The biggest thing I learned is that you can buy just 1 piece of meat at the meat counter if you want. (I know...you already knew that) It may have to do with the fact that my family ate out for almost every one of my growing up meals, but for some reason it never dawned on me that you can buy just as much of something as you want at the meat counter. As a singleton and someone who doesn't especially love meat, I don't buy it a lot--the 12 pack of chicken breasts just doesn't seem very economical.

But I've had a bit of a grilling thing going on this summer. A couple weeks back I attempted a Korean BBQ recipe, after hearing from someone at my old church about this summer's picnic with the Korean church. The recipe I picked turned out good, so I saw a grilled pork with peaches recipe and thought I'd give it a try. But what to do with the 3 other pork chops in the package? Aha--the meat counter. I bought 1 pork chop, and the guy didn't even look at me funny. I also didn't waste any extra meat or have to spend an hour wrapping and freezing the other portions. Ingenious. And tasty.

The other thing I learned is that only Hispanics eat garbanzo beans. Seriously, not a chick pea to be found outside of the Hispanic foods section. I stared at the beans for probably 5 minutes, stumped by what I would use to make hummus if there were no chick peas...I saw every other kind of bean, including one called "red beans." Aren't most of them red? Anyway, then I was schooled by the midwestern grocery arrangement--only Hispanics eat chick peas. They also only eat imported chick peas. Who knew?

I'm going to make fun of people now

so if you don't like it, quit reading. Oh, and they're anonymous people, if that changes things for you.

My mom came up to hang out last night, and we went to one of favorite Italian restaurants here. It's been around for a long time, but they just moved into a new fancy-schmancy building that looks like it's trying to imitate the Cheesecake Factory decor, which is strange because it's an Italian restaurant. I don't know, maybe bland but gigantic and noisy wins.

Anyway, we sat outside on the patio, which put us quite close to the table next to us. As we were checking out the menu and realizing this new building also dictated a price increase, the girl across from us grabbed the oil and vinegar and started telling her boyfriend she wasn't sure she wanted soy sauce on her bread. Despite her hesitation, she dripped a little bit on her bread plate, and put the olive oil on her boyfriend's. She tasted it, but still wasn't quite sure...I laughed internally.

While we were eating our dinner, our waiter served other tables around us, also calling them things like "my lady" and "big boss." I could hear him a couple of tables behind us when a man must have asked a question about the menu. The waiter proceeded to explain what a "Mira pox" is, and I kid you not, he said "mira pox" at least ten times. Now this is kind of a snotty one, and I don't really expect your average citizen to know how to pronounce mirepoix, or know what it is, but I do have higher expectations of wait staff. Especially irritating ones who call me "milady" all night. My silly brain kept thinking "A mira pox on both your houses!"

It was good entertainent.

Blog, schmog...

So I'm still not sure I have much to say, so here's some random stuff that you may or may not be interested to know. And yes, this is the best I can come up with right now.

1) I have been craving mojitos all week. Guava mojitos, to be exact.

2) I am so not down with the bounce house my neighbors are putting up, undoubtedly for one of the ankle biters' birthdays. The kids play in the street too much. Get a backyard.

3) Have I mentioned how addicted I am to "The Wire"? Seriously. I finished season 4 last night, and I'm not sure I can wait until August for season 5.

4) I don't think I mentioned this when I first wrote about seeing Kathleen Norris. But it's stuck with me--she left. She no longer lives in South Dakota. She moved back to Hawaii, and abandoned the prairie, her roots, etc. So now when I think about how lame it can be to say you live in South Dakota, I can't think in my mind "yeah, well at least Kathleen Norris lives here too."

5) The Sioux Falls Humane Society has kickass cat/music combinations on their adoption videos. Check them out.

6) PhotoBooth is too much fun!

So, I check out the cats on the Humane Society webpage regularly, wondering when I pass the center of the catlady continuum. Anyway, today I saw this cat video, and it made me laugh out loud.

This Explains So Much...

I was driving for work today, and heard this article on NPR about the Dutch health care system, and its relation to the values of the Dutch. It seems like a good explanation of why everyone's Dutch grandmothers and grandfathers don't go to the doctor, and why my grandfather laid on the ground with a broken hip for about an hour while my grandmother tried to dress him.

Oh, and I'm glad I'll never (probably?) have a baby in the Netherlands. Drugs, drugs, drugs!

Do you really need a title after not posting for a month?

So hmm, blogging...it it obvious I've been avoiding it with pictures? I just haven't had much to say. I've been concentrating so hard on being content I didn't want to ruin the facade. But, alas, I took a very short weekend trip to northern CA and realized once again where my people are. Here's a hint--it's not in Okoboji or the Outdoor Campus.

Okay, so maybe that's a bit dramatic, it's the gins and tonic talking. Or gin and tonics? Either way, Tanqueray suckered me into the Rangpur gin, which seems a little obnoxious when you could just squeeze a lime into it.

The quick trip to SJC was superb. I saw just about everyone, hung out, ate Donna's amazing food and drank John's (superlative) drinks, and shopped for maternity clothes. The maternity world was a little overwhelming, so luckily there was a real pregnant lady shopping with me who could navigate it. I mostly made suggestions and praised good choices. I also could not avoid trying on the surrogate pregnant belly at A Pea in the Pod. It was lumpy and not at all baby shaped.

So other than the trip, there has been lake-going, most wonderful I should say. Most lake-going weekends include lots of eating out (what else in my family?), some shopping, and my favorite, cotton candy. Yes, I'm nearly 30, and still LOVE cotton candy. Deal. There is also some sunning, though with this super-white skin that includes a much too long dousing with SPF a billion before it can happen. Oh, and sometimes boat-riding is also included. Decent.

Now...more gin and tonic. I will try to be more inspired to write soon. If I'm not you'll know by the repeated landscapes of my backyard.

Here is me...

At my new favorite place...

The Outdoor Campus.

Summer at the Lake

Out for a boat rideAn Okoboji classic: Arnold's Park

Out for a walk

Meme-ing back in...

Not much blogging here lately...can't really say why, but I just haven't been moved. To ease back in though, I'll participate in the meme Ruth tagged me for.

1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post, the player then tags five people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read the player’s blog.
4. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve posted your answer.

What were you doing five years ago?

1. I was working on my M.A. in TESOL
2. I was hanging out on the Central Coast in CA, making the odd trip to SJC
3. I was discovering the joys of TiVo
4. I was furnishing my home solely with Ikea and hand-me-downs
5. I was really digging school

What are five things on your to-do list for today (not in any particular order)?

1. Get up at 4am to go outside and shut the gate that was slamming and waking me up, scared that someone was invading.
2. Get caught up on voicemail and e-mail from the long weekend...what a corporate whore.
3. Print pictures I took this weekend with my new digital SLR camera
4. Pilates DVD
5. Reassess the May budget

What are five snacks you enjoy?

1. Mangos!
2. Lately...popcorn
3. Anything with a combo of chocolate and peanut butter
4. Almonds
5. Cheese

What five things would you do if you were a billionaire?

1. Not work for money
2. Write more (free time)
3. Bribe congress to strike down NCLB
4. Buy all my friends houses at Lake Okoboji
5. Spend free time coming up with good things to do with a billion dollars

What are five of your bad habits?

1. Hitting snooze at least twice
2. Yelling at other drivers...and remembering the windows are open
3. Being messy
4. Being oblivious to other people
5. Picking food up off the floor and eating it

What are five places where you have lived?

1. San Jose, CA
2. Monterey, CA
3. Charlotte, NC
4. Haiti
5. The Midwest

What are five jobs you’ve had?

1. Pizza Ranch employee
2. Coffee House worker
3. Camp counselor/administrator
4. Teacher
5. Tutor

What five people do you want to tag?

1. Ang
2. Nellie
3. Megan
4. Tricia
5. Charity

O, Blogosphere!

There hasn't been much blogging lately...I've mostly been focused on a job opportunity, and felt weird writing about it while it was going on. It's past now...the position was offered, I declined. I can't adequately explain why, except to say that it was my intuition and a lack of peace, which seems to be one of the few ways I can really say I heard God's voice.

That whole process stressed me out quite a bit, thinking about another possible move, selling a house I love, etc. etc. Now that it's over, I am totally appreciating where I am again. This afternoon I sat on the back patio with a book and a drink, basking in the sun. I've said it many times, but I wish humans could do photosynthesis. I know there's that whole thing about Vitamin D, or is it K, but it would be nice to store up the energy sunshine brings after a cold, dark winter.

Since I'm not thinking about work, this weekend gave me time to do other things. I went to Ang and Ryan's b-day party for their little girl, gifting her with a "pasta plate." Remember when you stapled together paper plates and put beans inside to make a shaker? Same idea. It's still a loud, obnoxious toy, but I'm hoping the payback isn't quite so venomous.

I also finished sewing some cloth napkins I'd started on last weekend. I decided to reduce my paper towel use, and found some cotton fabric remnants that I really like. I'm not so into the details of sewing like measuring or pinning, so they're slightly haphazard, but functional. Pictures to come sometime soon.

As you all can tell, the list of books on the blog is pretty useless, so instead I'll just tell you what I'm reading. Tonight I finished Foreskin's Lament, a memoir by Shalom Auslander. I heard him first on This American Life, and wanted to read more. I really enjoyed his memoir, bitter and tormented as it is. His Jewish upbringing seems like a much exaggerated parallel to growing up in the biodome of N'west Iowa.

Luck

Today was a lucky day. I won an iPod shuffle at work for submitting a survey about our online benefits open enrollment (it kinda sucked), and I also found out I don't have to go to jury duty next week. I'm curious as to what might happen next.

Uncomfortable Situation

Fulfilling the promise I made when the Barack Obama headquarters opened here, I volunteered yesterday morning to make some phone calls. I think I've written before that I'm not really sure if political phone calls do any good, and I know I don't really care for them, but I wanted to do my part.

It should be no surprise to most of you that Barack isn't super popular where I live. If you're young and registered as a Democrat he is the favorite, but those who are young and registered Democrats are far and few between here. So I wasn't really shocked that most of the people I talked to weren't supporters, but their rudeness did surprise me.

I get hating telemarketers. I do too. Even so, I usually say "I'm not interested, thank you," and hang up. It's short, maybe snippy, but not mean. And, I'd like to point out that I would expected a different response to a telemarketer than to a campaign volunteer, though from my experience yesterday, that's not the case.

I was given a raft of senior citizens to call, and told that if I called anyone who was deceased, I'd get a free soda. The organizer shrugged her shoulders and said "it breaks up the day." I had a script, a list of names, and an elaborate coding system about the talk itself (refused to talk, call back, wrong number), and their presidential preferences (strong Obama, lean Obama, Clinton, Undecided). Most of my first calls were answering machines, and one nice, nice lady who had voted Republican her whole life and was now voting for Barack at age 68. She emphasized the 68 and told me her whole family was voting for him this time. I joked with her, and asked if she would speak to my family.

Another lady was undecided. She asked me how much I know about Barack, and I asked her if I could share my reasons for voting for him. She listened, then asked where he stands on abortion. I have no idea what her opinions on the topic were, but I tried to explain how I see him being pro-life in a lot of ways other than abortion.

After that, the people got mean. I called one house, and a woman answered. A man's name was on my list, so I asked for him. The woman yelled for him, and I heard him ask who it was. She replied "Your girlfriend." When I told him I was a volunteer for Barack Obama's campaign, he hung up on me. Some boyfriend.

Another lady thought that I was probably calling for her husband from the doctor's office (on a Saturday morning?) and some guy told me "I don't wanna talk, lady, I just woke up." I wanted to tell him he shouldn't have answered the phone then, but I didn't.

There was one response I got a few times, and it cracked me up. The script went like this: "Hi! my name is Bridget and I'm a volunteer with the Barack Obama campaign. How are you doing this morning?" I didn't have to read this part, and tried to sound genuinely interested.

The most common response to "How are you this morning?" was "I'm a Republican." I would say "Great, and do you know who you'll be voting for in this election?" and then they would say "I'm a Republican."

There seems to be a rule in play here that I did not know about. Republicans in South Dakota are not allowed to speak to Democrats, even if it's only to answer the question "How are you this morning?" They also must answer all questions asked by a Democrat with the words "I'm a Republican."

I grew up here, or near here, and I suppose I should have expected that response. I had hoped, however, that this election might not be so polarizing, or maybe those are just the Obama glasses I'm wearing. Regardless, I'm glad I called, and I may go and do some more again. Watch out Republicans, we just might ask you how you are.

PS: Having made these phone calls made me react much more kindly to the Nextel guy I ran into in the mall. He stopped me by saying "Hey miss, smile." I did, and he tried to be flattering...He said something like "wow, all redheads look good in green. What company do you have?" I said Verizon, and then he wowed me with incredible logic--he said "Hey, why don't you switch? I bet the Verizon guys don't tell you that you look good. I know they don't, switch to Nextel." I laughed and walked away.

This has been making me want to shout expletives all day long:

Good thing I got the grill and patio furniture out last week.

The Big Give

Has anyone else seen Oprah's Big Give? I have to say, I've only watched the first episode in its entirety. I do TiVo the Oprah show every day though, and she's spent a fair amount of time recapping the episodes, and talking with the "losers." Though these segments aren't as annoying as her constant yapping about the New Earth, I can't say I care for it.

I love shows like Extreme Home Makeover, but for some reason The Big Give makes me kind of angry. I think it's supposed to be a show about generosity, and giving back, but from what I've seen it seems more like a sales and marketing competition. The contestants run around, piling up more and more money, hoping to give away the most. Although some weight is given to what people need, the contestants seem to be judged on how much they give, not what they give and why.

Like I said, I've only seen one whole episode, so maybe I'm missing something. But to me, it looks like an exercise in being the best money hustler, and the giving is sort of a by-product of the amassing of cash. That just doesn't sit right.

Eventful

The blog has been quiet the last couple of weeks, but not for lack of activity. Last week I had a colonoscopy, which wasn't fun, but necessary. I hesitate to even say anything about it, but decided that medical tests shouldn't be embarrassing, despite where things take place. The results of the test were once again evil bacteria, and even more evil medication to kill said bacteria. So this week has been mostly focusing on not vomiting or becoming so nauseated I believe I will vomit. I should say that peppermint gum works wonders, as does anti-nausea medication, though the pills are more expensive than gum at nearly $600 a bottle (thank you, insurance!).

I also went and heard/saw Kathleen Norris speak. I was super excited about the event, the culmination of a college's day of learning in community. Though she wasn't as inspiring a speaker as I had hoped, I appreciated her speech about stability and change, and I'm now particularly interested in reading her new book about acedia. I'd never heard of acedia before, but it's apparently one of a group of ancient "bad thoughts," if I have it correct. I'm sorry I missed her morning talk, because as the girls behind me described she read a lot of poetry and talked about Brokeback Mountain. What I was not impressed with was the girl sitting near me who snapped her gum throughout the whole talk.

More inspiring, in a different way, was the opening of Obama headquarters here in Sioux Falls. It was an interesting event because as we stood listening to the SD campaign leader speak, everyone was looking around, seemingly surprised to see so many Democrats gathered in one room in South Dakota. From the looks of it, I was not the only one who hadn't seen anything like this before. Barack wasn't there, but the leader guy asked if some people wanted to share why they were at the opening, and why they were voting for Barack. One gentleman in particular was moving, talking about how the Native American people look toward the future, and that he was voting for Barack for his granddaughter whom he was holding.

Equally uninspiring was a few people spouting the usual jokes about how evil the Republicans are, and how graced we were to be Democrats, along with a high school student who went on and on about how Obama is his savior, his saving grace. But still, flawed and all, I'm hoping to volunteer for the campaign here, to get involved for once. Not that SD will probably really matter, but it's nice to feel like it might.

I am very much enjoying this episode of Speaking of Faith, titled "The Need for Creeds." One of the most interesting is this Maasai creed.

If Princess Pantaloons and Cow don't win the Humane Society calendar contest, Simone definitely should.

If you've got a dollar you want to burn, and you'd like to support me in becoming a full-fledged cat lady, click here to vote for my kittehs in the SF Humane Society calendar contest. Cat ladies unite!

Kinda like a funny kid story

I realize that my blog was much more entertaining when I was teaching, and the funny kid stories were abundant. Tonight, I have something I'm calling a funny kid story, though I'm making no promises.

I've been working with an applicant who is, well, different. When I met with him he told me he listened to a Prairie Home Companion, and collected stamps, not postage. Of course, I listed to a Prairie Home Companion, but I'm years older than he is...at least a few.

So today he sent me some questions about life in the program I recruit for. 5 pages of questions. Seriously. They were organized into categories, and a few made me laugh. As background, the program is a residential program. Here are a few of the highlights:

• Can I bring my fanny pack to wear?
• How hot does the water get?
• Can I keep a garden/plants?
  
• Will I be able to see/hear wild animals (birds, squirrels, odd dear?)
• Can I bring/order my own crafts?

These are only a few select questions...the entire five pages would be a bit too much.

Signs of....spring?

There are things I am good at, and things I am decidedly not good at. You could put all things mechanical and numerical on the "not good at" side, and this weekend consisted mostly of those items, and my attempts to overcome or bypass them.

One thing I feel pretty good at is computer stuff. I can tackle most everyday tasks, and an occasional challenge, but there is one nemesis. Formulas in Excel. For a few months I've been doing a written budget, and I have never been satisfied with a method of writing out my goals, and then having a good way of keeping track of how much is spent, and how much then left in each category. Of course I don't want to have to add it up myself, so I've wanted a program or spreadsheet, but one customized to how I do my budget. The only answer seemed to be to customize a spreadsheet myself.

I am ashamed to say it, but it took me almost 3 hours Saturday morning to get it all figured out, and probably 45 minutes of that was finding errors in the formulas...ick.

Slightly (slightly...) more exciting was figuring out how to take care of my lawn this year. Last year my parents had hired someone to mow before I moved, and so when I moved we kept that up. This year, I've been thinking that I really don't want to spend the money on that. However, I have never used a lawnmower before, and it falls under the "mechanical" category. I'm pretty sure I would mix up the gas and the oil, or break part of it off, or cut off my foot or something equally gruesome. So instead, I have decided to buy a push reel mower. The picture's of the little German model I ordered. Somehow I trust the Germans to know how to do something as orderly as mow a lawn.

Thinking about buying a mower had me thinking about spring. Today was kind of warm, at least warm enough that I shed my coat in between stores while running errands. Considering the day's warmth, it seemed like it would be a nice evening for a walk. I went out to walk the neighborhood, hoping to peek in the neighbor's illuminated windows, but it was ridiculously cold. Now that I look down at the weather in my browser, I see that it's 36 degrees and cloudy. I had no idea it was that cold....36 is definitely not walking weather.

The pre-30 Birthday

This past weekend I turned 29. I don't much care for odd numbers, but 29 seems to have some dignity to it. In honor of the birthday, I posted a new profile pic, actually taken on the day itself.

The birthday day was low key, but I realized it was all about why I moved here. In the morning/afternoon I babysat my nephew while his parents were at a funeral. It wasn't a great reason to be babysitting, but it was a great time. I'd love to go on and on about the cute kid things, but I'm sure that would be boring. So just one--we were playing basketball in his room, and I pretended to fall over. He has a strange penchant for pretending to snore, so I decided to lay down on his floor and pretend snore. As I did this he walked over to his crib, pulled his blankie out from between the slats, and put it on me. Then he shut off the light, said "go nigh nigh" and closed the door. Hilarious!

After babysitting, I went out to dinner and ate amazing food with my parents. I did miss birthday calls from some dear friends while we were out, but I was super thankful to have heard from them.

It was a different birthday than the last few years, but good. For the big 30 I'm thinking maybe a Mexican vacation is in order.

Easter Church

(Rant) I hate Easter church. There, I've said it. It may be sacrilegious, or blasphemous, or whatever, but I do not like church on Easter. Give me a Good Friday or a Maundy Thursday service any day.

Easter church makes me benout for a few reasons. First, it's a bunch of new people, mostly strangers, and it makes me very self-conscious. I have just been getting comfortable at my new church, recognizing faces, and suddenly this past Sunday I was surrounded by people I've never seen before, and it made me very nervous.

Second, the pastors have to over-explain everything. Instead of just pronouncing the benediction, the pastor explains how he is going to pronounce the benediction. Instead of just greeting one another and passing the peace, we have to go through how to do it.

The teaching of church ritual itself wouldn't bother me, if it weren't for the next part. At least this past Easter church, the people who were there didn't want to participate in the liturgy. After the pastor explained that we would greet each other saying "He is risen" and replying with "He is risen indeed," some very nervous people around me muttered a quick good morning and tried to sit down as quickly as possible. Okay, I get it, I hate the greeting too, but play along at least.

The same thing happens with the Lord's prayer...People start out strong with "Our Father, who are in heaven..." and then it's just mutter, mutter, mutter....

So okay, if you only come to church a few times a year you're not used to the conventions, you don't know the creeds and confessions and prayers, fine. All of that I can understand. But, at the very end of the service last Sunday the choir sang the Hallelujah Chorus. And many of the people around me were talking out loud. Talking? During the Hallelujah Chorus? It took all my willpower not to hush them.

I know, if I were a good evangelical I'd be happy to see so many new people at church. But honestly, I think the best church services are the lesser attended...any small service, a night service, Super Bowl Sunday service, whatever.

In case there's someone I haven't offended yet with my idea that Easter church is only for churchgoers, let me offer another Easter gem--a David Sedaris story about Easter. Basically, David Sedaris is awesome. And thanks to a friend of a friend for the link.

Shakespeare in South Dakota

It's been a strange week. Things have felt just unexpected and out of place. On Sunday my sister-in-law's grandmother had an aneurism, and it happened while her whole family was at the grandma's house for coffee. My brother came to join our family for dinner, and when he walked in he told us they had just airlifted her grandmother to the hospital. He'd taken my nephew's coat off, gone in to say hello, and by then the grandmother's face had all drooped on one side. On Tuesday, she died.

My parents and I went to the hospital Tuesday night to see my sister-in-law's family, but we didn't know that her grandma had passed on. We made our way to the ICU, and found another family from the small town we're from in the waiting room. There's a guy, younger than me, who has a rare blood disease and has been battling near death for days now.

I've never had anyone close to me die, I still have all four of my grandparents. I remember in grade school when my neighbor died in a car accident, but I didn't know her well enough to grieve. I just have gruesome memories of seeing some blond hair hanging on a shard of windshield when we saw her car. It's strange that I saw the car, as I was probably only four or so, but in a small town the grotesque can be normal.

So I don't really have anything to say about death, or what it feels like. I'm not really sure what I do want to say. It's something like I'm in awe of the profound connection the living find with one another in the midst of death, but that seems too detached. Saying something about beauty in pain is too cliche. So I don't know. It's been a strange week that way.

Somewhat unrelated, but perhaps a good sermon metaphor if I were a pastor, would be that I traveled for work today to a few tiny little towns in central South Dakota. One of them, population 1,100, had a Shakespeare Garden and an Anne Hathaway house with a thatched roof. I drove to it after visiting the high school, where when I left the kids were all dismissed to walk home for lunch since they don't have a hot lunch program.

Not surprisingly, the Anne Hathaway house is the only thatched roof dwelling in South Dakota. I don't know anything about thatch, but I would imagine it's hard to maintain in the winters here. I couldn't go inside, as it's staff by volunteers and only in the summer from 1-5pm, but I was invited by a sign to walk through the "Shakespeare Garden."

For those of you not familiar with gardens in SD in the winter, it was a winding path of brick, bordered on each side by frozen black soil, with some twigs scattered around. Today was also a very grey day, in anticipation of the (Lord willing) last snow of the season, so the Shakespeare Garden was none too compelling.

It's a great idea, but I cannot imagine why it still exists in this town. According to the website, it's main function is to serve as a site for English tea, a rarity in South Dakota to say the least.
So as odd as it was, it made an otherwise average day much more intriguing.

Congratulations

to Sara and Jeff on their little baby!!!

Um......

There are so many things wrong with this photo. My dad forwarded it to me today, and it's from 1988, in case you couldn't figure that out from the sweet mullet I'm sporting. What was my mom thinking?

I was also at a Boston Red Sox game. I can't say I remember it at all, but I was obviously enjoying a darn good Coke that I couldn't put down even for the picture. I was also not so concerned about skin cancer, as it appears.

This was a blast from the past I just couldn't resist posting. Anyone want to guess who the stranger is in the picture? (The guy behind me is my dad).

Okay, if you ever go and see Ang and Ryan, you HAVE to see/hear their little girl growl. I can't really describe it, but it might be called something like absolutely adorable, hilarious, gremlin. Seriously, it's awesome.

The lack of posting lately can be attributed to, well, a mystery. Whatever has been plaguing my GI system is unidentifiable, except for its symptoms. The doctor is baffled by the CT results and a high white blood cell count, and I am immensely thankful for feeling well the last few days. After a few rounds of highly disorienting and nauseating drugs, I'm glad to be free of them, despite the understanding that I'm not really sure what's wrong with me.

So, a trip to a specialist, with the possibility of a highly undignified colonoscopy, awaits. It's not glamorous, but it does make me extremely grateful for health insurance. When I was without for a few months this summer I worried a little, but thinking about the costs of all the tests I've had recently, and may need soon, I can't imagine having to deal with the financial burden without insurance. Which makes me even more thankful that there may be healthcare reform on the horizon...I hope.

I find the political situation rather now really annoying, seeing as how I am very impatient, and am still waiting for the Obama shirt I ordered a while ago to arrive. I resolved the 5 shirts instead of 1 issue with my bank, sorry if that disappointed any of you.

Local politicians are once again raising the abortion ban flag, and I'm really struggling with it. I'm wondering if you can want something to be legal that you think is morally wrong and that you disagree with. Debates like this seem to foster so much hate, while it seems like more attention on sex education and prevention of unwanted pregnancies would be less divisive and more compassionate. I don't know...I'm still thinking about this one.

On a more random note, the medications I was on gave me very vivid dreams, which was also listed as a side effect along with suicidal thoughts, and something about murder... Anyway, I had one dream where my friends bought a condo. in a mall (awesome), and another where I went back to teaching and felt totally and completely fulfilled. That was weird.

So I'm back. Just in time for sun, which is good because I have been missing CA and my friends there intensely. At least some sun here gives me the hope of spring. Today I rediscovered my lawn, and all the snow melted off of my roof. O happy day.

I.........simply...........refuse......to......scoop
.......the..........driveway...........anymore.

IT'S MARCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pray that it stops soon, or I may be snowed in...

Sometimes, you just want your mom

When you're sick, there's nothing more comforting than your mom. And my mom is awesome, especially when I'm sick. This weekend the infection, or whatever it is that I had a few weeks ago, came back. And it was fierce. Fiercer than Christian on Project Runway. :)

I spent pretty much all day Sat. and Sun. on the couch in pain, and Sun. with a fever. Once again, bless PBS and their "House" series, with Regency House Party and Colonial House keeping me in good company. Sun. I also had a fever, which was lovely. Mon. I finally went in, and apparently I was more messed up than I thought. The doctor did a white blood cell count, and mine was almost double what it should be. I got nervous when he said "Well, I don't think it's quite high enough to put you in the hospital yet." I didn't quite know that was an option....

But he did send me to the hospital, for a CAT scan. I waited three hours, lost between the day and evening shift, and watched people being wheeled through the radiology center. The hardest to see was a little girl, maybe 3 or 4, wheeled through in a red plastic wagon. There were also orderlies, one who seemed to push the same empty bed by about ever 15 minutes. After the first hour there was also a TV to call my own, and episodes of COPS and Flavor of Love to occupy the time. Not that I wasn't enjoying it....who doesn't want to sit in a hospital waiting room for three hours when they feel awful? Also, I think you all should know that Flave LOVES reindeers.

Finally I did get my CAT scan, which was wild. It felt a lot like I imagine Mike TV felt in the Willy Wonka movie. Only I wore my normal clothes, no white suit, and I had a contrast solution in my veins. That was probably the weirdest part, because it makes you feel like you're going to pee your pants, but you don't. That, and realizing the liquid in the crease of my elbow was actually blood escaping from the IV. Gross.

CAT scan done, I came home and tried to sleep, though there wasn't much sleep to be had, as insomnia came with the stronger antibiotics. Another trip to the doctor, and no real results, other than "infection." One of my cats is also curiously ill at the same time, and my mom put two and two together and realized that me and the cat might be passing a bacteria between us.

Now I think that being sick simultaneously with my cat may be the ultimate predictor that I am destined to become a crazy cat lady. Or chalk it up to those crazy cephalosporins that kill off all the good little creatures in your body who fight for you. Who knows. Anyway, the point is that my mom rocks, and she brought me Gatorade yesterday, and crackers, and cleaned my house. There is nothing better than your mom when you're sick.

Aggressive Hospitality

I may have mentioned it before, but my "first friend" at church is someone who demonstrates aggressive hospitality. It started my first day there with an invasion of personal space, and a two-handed handshake. You know the kind...they're literally clasping your hands in theirs, with the gravity of someone shaking your hand after your mother died.

After the hand shaking, she also wanted to sit with me in church, and invited me to come to an advent activity, which I only learned later was a children's activity where I would be corralled into being "a mom for the night."

Given her background of well-meaning, but in my opinion, aggressive hospitality, I was a little concerned about being invited over for a "dinner for six." She told me they were 1 person short of the Presbyterian church required six, and I said yes. I couldn't be sure it wasn't a set up of some kind, but when I saw the table I knew it was the real deal.

I've said it before, but no one puts together a beige meal like a Midwesterner. There was corn in a buttery sauce, pork roast, cole slaw (only minor hints of green and orange), barley, and brown bread. It was the perfect palette...nothing too strong, spicy, or seasoned. This was the real thing people.

Surprisingly, at least to me, it turned out to be a great evening. Despite the bland food, the conversation was good. We were all very different, but we got along. I didn't get away without hugging the hostess, but at least it wasn't while we were holding hands.

Posts without pictures get boring, so here's one with a picture of a city I used to live in.

Don't be deluded though, it has nothing to do with what I'm going to write. Just something to look at.

Work is still frustrating. Actually, thinking about it has been consuming me lately. I'm beginning to lose faith in the organization I work for. Having read some reports about its effectiveness, I'm not quite as gung ho. I'm definitely thinking carefully about it all.

Also, the Midwest is still very nice. In fact, at the grocery store tonight there was a note next to the bananas, apologizing for the price sign, which was .78 a pound. I know that's more than double what they usually are, but does your grocery store write a note about it? This was a 3-4 line note, explaining something about the shortage of bananas in Ecuador, and how it would be probably 3 weeks or so before the price goes back down, and thank you for waiting. What nice people.

Tomorrow night I'm going to a church dinner. My "first friend," a double hand holding greeter, invited me to her house along with some other people from church. There's even a name, it's called a "Dinner for Six" because you invite six people and it starts at six. Clever, no? I'm bringing a cake, seeing as how there was mucho frosting left over after my mom's birthday, due to the fact that I didn't realize I bought a 32 ounce bag of powdered sugar, instead of 16. This does give me a place to use it.

Lately I've been watching the PBS "House" series, it's like The Real World for the NPR crowd. My latest, and probably favorite, was Manor House. They put a family, and a whole slew of people acting as servants, in this giant manor house, and watch them interact. The father is a hate-able villain, insisting that the social order works and that he is kind to the servants. His wife seems pretty much oblivious, and the servants their asses off day and night to serve the family. It's definitely a great series. I've also recently seen 1900s House, 1940s House, and Frontier House, all of which were good in their own special ways.

Defeated

I've been trying to blog more about topics lately, but tonight I just can't. So this is one of those self-indulgent, all about me posts. Deal with it.

It's been a rough couple of weeks at work. Okay, to be honest, there have been a few nights I feel so defeated I come home in tears. It's not that my work has changed, or that it's gotten harder. I still have the same job--to recruit kids for an education and vocational training program. Only right now there are no kids. I've been working my butt off, doing outreach to schools, organizations, etc., and the well is dry. Meanwhile, my coworker who doesn't do outreach because she has a bunch of supervisory duties, has an avalanche of kids calling her. It sucks.

And frankly, I've never felt this bad at a job. It probably sounds snotty and arrogant, and frankly I don't care right now, but I've always been good at my job. Maybe not excellent, but good. And I have never thought about the possibility of being fired from a job. Not that I'm at that stage yet, hopefully, but it feels like it is a distinct possibility. I've started wondering if they would take me back at Schmells Bargo.

Just as I have been feeling like the least competent employee, my boss has decided to send weekly team reports, so we can see who the current "rock star" is. Guess who it's not this month? That's right, it's me! Everyone else has bunches of kids who are wanting to go. When I look at the list I've gotten mean, hoping that everybody else's kids drop out or get kicked out of the program right away for drugs or something. I hate that...I know it's only because I'm fiercely competitive and hate being at the bottom.

Writing about it helps, so if you've read this big whine all the way through, thanks.

The 5 to 10 Year Plan

I was talking to a friend a few years back, and she and her husband had a very detailed, year by year travel plan. I thought it was a little much, but she was a very detailed, planned out person at the time.

In the last few months though it's started to make sense. Actually, it started to make sense when my boss introduced the idea of a "minute goal" during a conference call. I thought the idea was totally stupid, a Successories backed motivational minute. But I started thinking about it...irritated as I was with being forced to write down a goal on paper to "take me to the next level."

Often the only way I can get rid of something that is irritating me, like this goal-setting exercise, is to pinpoint exactly what is bothering me about it. While I was trying to do that, I realized that part of the reason I've never really liked having goals is I never knew where I wanted to go.

And writing that leaves me with a dilemma. Do I say I now have it all figured out, and publicly declare my goals so that they must be adhered to? Or do I say I still don't know, but the journey is half the fun? (Picture that on a mug)

To be honest, it's a little of both. I have some broad strokes figured out, and it makes me feel better. It helps put what I'm doing now in perspective, but like with the less TV weeknights, I'm no pharisee. If it's Project Runway night, I'm watching it. If there's a move or job or something else in the future, I'll go for it.

Buffalo shot, killed after escaping from meat locker

I could not make this up. Beware, visitors, Sioux Falls is the city of loose animals.

Pardon the slight interruption

So last week I was all into the routine of less TV evenings, and thoroughly enjoying it, much more than I had thought I might. However, it was not to last...

(this may get a little gory)

Apparently, and I did not know this before, antibiotics can work too well. So the medication I took for a sinus infection overworked its magic, and ended up starting an intestinal bacterial battle royale. Unbeknownst to me until Saturday, the good guys lost, and the evil bacteria took over to rule the kingdom.

So evil bacteria were holding court, and I could do little else but lay on the couch and every so often run to the bathroom. Somehow silence and quiet were not so appealing. Luckily for me, less TV weeknights meant that TiVo had many good offerings, and combined with the PBS "House" series (1900s House, Frontier House, 1940s House, etc.), I was kept good and entertained.

Normally you'd probably think something like this might last 24 hours, or maybe two days at the most...but here it is, Wed., and I'm just starting to feel better, thanks to the power of another, stronger, anti-evil bacteria antibiotic. The downfall? Insomnia. So tonight it's powerful evil bacteria fighting antibiotic and a sleeping pill. A glass of wine would have been a good way to wind down, but I guess that combined with this antibiotic equals death.

Other than being a wee bit ill, I can't come up with a coherent topic to write about tonight. I'm thinking about a lot...I liked hearing about people's 5 or 10 year plans (mostly about not having one). I'm thinking a lot lately about where I want to be in 5 or 10 years...at least in broad strokes.

Also, a high school guy from here drowned in a pool over the weekend. I guess he and some friends were delayed on a plane trip and ended up spending the night in Minneapolis. They picked up some girls from college, got drunk, and one of the guys was found dead in the bottom of the pool. It's been interesting watching the local paper because they seem to be trying to be very nice about it all, although the commenters are not necessarily so nice. I do wonder where they find the time to post comments over and over again.

Curious

I'm curious--do any of you have a 5 or 10 year plan? If you do, what kinds of things does it include?

Mamaville

In college I took a writing class that I absolutely loved. We read essays, wrote, and got to criticise each other's writing. That was my favorite part...cruel as it may seem, I loved dissecting other people's writing and figuring out how to make it better. It never struck me that the criticism would be taken personally....calloused, I guess.

Near the end of the semester we had got to choose our own topic to write on. I chose to write an essay about motherhood. I can't remember any of the other essays I wrote for that class, but this one I do because I got a lower grade on it. The professor said, and rightly so, that it didn't tie together. My thoughts were going in an interesting direction, but there was no cohesion.

It was true, and still is. I've said this to my close friends, always a little afraid of how it sounds, but I just don't get wanting to have a baby. Usually I continue with the fact that I don't have anything against it, I just don't feel any pull towards it. I don't know what that maternal instinct is, at this point in life I just don't have it. But it continues to come up....growing up in a town where you have kids as a matter of course, where it seem like it's just on the list to check off after getting married, I'd really like to understand why people have children. To what end?

I can't say that I know that desire any more now than I did in college. But I think I do understand it more. I'm at that stage in life where people are having babies, thinking about babies, or trying to have babies. Six years ago when I graduated I never considered that I'd be talking to friends about their miscarriages, or their seemingly in vain attempts to get pregnant. I had no idea I'd be going to baby showers for people I actually like, and getting to hold babies I really want to hold and play with.

But the part that sticks with me the most is the pain and loss. It's incredibly hard to see someone go through it, but it's shown me that for something like childbearing to hold such incredible weight in people's lives, it must be a central part of being human.

I still don't really get it, and I still don't know the desire to mother, but in a small way I understand it better.

Can I have my "A" now?

All things ridiculous

Dear readers, I'm writing you from a rural SD library, somewhere very far away. I'm on my lunch break, and sick of driving the 30mph it's taking to not slide off the road.

So a few quick thoughts. Though I don't want to be in the office on Valentine's Day, I don't necessarily hate it. What I do hate is the crap surrounding it. I've never liked conversation hearts, and I'm not a big pink fan. Last year no fewer than 3 moms at school asked me "Where is your pink??" with huge smiles on their faces. Gross. I just don't care for the pink stuff. Or roses, frankly, unless they're green. So really, the best Valentine's Day would be just a note or a letter, and maybe chocolate, but not heart-shaped.

Totally unrelated, it's crappy weather today where I am. I stopped at one school, and while waiting for my appt. chatted with the receptionist. She started telling me how she's worried about her sister because, "Well, you know, she's single....so she lives alone. It's just that...you know, there's no man around....I worry about her."

Obviously she didn't notice that my left ring finger is bare and I'm surviving just fine.

I forgot to mention that right now, as I am typing this, there is some type of large, stuffed wild cat hanging on the library wall in front of me. Maybe a bobcat? It's tan-ish, no stripes or spots. Still creepy.

Well, I should go. I have only 1 hour to travel the 34 miles to my next destination. Wish me luck and the ability to stay out of the ditch.

The mood

I promise this dark mood and the serious posts will lift once we see the sunshine here in Sioux Falls. Going from 300 days of sunshine a year to less than 3 hours this week is making me a little out of sorts.

A few goings on to report...Tonight I went to a thing at church on contemplative prayer. It was really very interesting, although the preacher talked way too much about silence. But the idea was great, and it was nice to actually be told how to pray for once. Even preachers usually say they're going to teach on prayer, but it's usually way too vague to do any good. This week though, there were instructions on how contemplative prayer is done, and next week Lectio Divina. I'm excited.

By the end of this week I will also know whether or not I may have some more funny kid stories to share on the blog. More on that later.

I'm thrilled about the Barack victories yesterday. I was so thrilled, in fact, that I decided to make a donation, and at the same time buy another shirt and a button. It was all going swimmingly until I pushed the submit button. I waited, and waited, and did NOT push the button again, being an avid online shopper and knowing the consequences. So after a while I got a screen that said something about not being able to communicate with the server, and to try my request again.

Suspicious, I checked my e-mail for a confirmation, in case the order went through and the screen I was seeing was lying to me. No e-mail. So I repeat the process (4 times, I found out today), and finally switch to another browser and complete the transaction no problem.

I check my bank statement today, and my debit card was charged 5 times for the transaction. I sent a quick e-mail to the web people, saying I love Obama, but not enough to give him ALL of my money, and explaining how I am a diligent online shopper, but their site was messed up. I haven't heard anything back yet. So I may be coming into some discount Obama t-shirts, and a much bigger political donation than I had expected.

I'm also considering calling for Obama, but I'm not sure yet seeing as how I HATE it when people (like Dordt) call me at home at night. But, if it works...does anyone know if calling strangers on behalf of a political candidate works? Well if it does, those Verizon free nights and weekends might come in handy. Yes, we can.

Republicans for Barack

I can imagine that working in social services could easily turn you into a Republican. Not that I'm personally becoming a Republican, but my job has certainly caused me to see some things differently.

In my position I see young adults in some heart-breaking situations. Some of those situations are completely out of their control--mentally ill parents, addicted parents, parents who just plain don't want to be parents. And some of the situations are self-induced, built on a sense of entitlement and a pattern of self-sabotage. It's easy to think you know who should and should not receive help and protection, but you can't build a system that awards assistance based on motivation and personal commitment to change.

The job has also given me insight I sometimes would rather not have into social issues. I was working with a young woman a while back who really needed some help. She was a great candidate for our program--motivated, working, dedicated. Struggling with learning disabilities, she didn't quite make it through high school, but she sat in my cubicle and worked on the required essay for about 30 minutes. When she was finished, she only had a paragraph, barely understandable. It was her dedication despite the obstacles that gave me home she would succeed. We did the application, and everything looked promising.

A few weeks went by, and she hadn't gotten me the last piece of the application that I needed. I called her a few times, leaving her voicemail messages. Finally she called me back. Her voice was quiet, and she told me she was pregnant, and her mom no longer wanted her to participate in the program. She wanted to keep the baby, and live with her mom. She wasn't sure what her boyfriend would do.

It was devastating. The future we were planning for her disappeared. That same week the state I live in brought up a bill to ban abortion again. It failed the last time around, but it came back. As it was brought up, there were numerous letters to the editor, emphatically shouting that all babies are a gift from the Lord. The writers described the blessings a baby could bring, and I couldn't help but think of this girl.

Now I know this may offend some of my friends, and people who read, but for this girl the baby wasn't a blessing or a gift. Not that it couldn't become one, but having a child at her age, in her situation, and deciding to raise it, virtually locks her into a cycle she was attempting to get out of.

I haven't heard from her since the phone call when she told me she was pregnant, but I think about her a lot. The route I drive to work goes through one of the poorest areas of my town, an area I didn't know existed until I started this job. It's the home of a youth center we hang out at every week, and from being there I know that the youth in the neighborhood are the definition of "at risk." I see some of the kids from the youth center on my way to work, and I can't help but wonder what goes on behind closed doors in their homes.

The answer to all of this? I have no idea. I'd like to hope that Barack will help, but I've got no illusions that human suffering will end in the next 4-8 years. For now, I'll do my part, knowing that there are others working toward the same goal.

Go Barack!!

The Snow

Perhaps it's my general discontent this week, but the snow today just got me. I looked out the window as I left my office for lunch, and all I could think about was grey and the need for light.

I grudgingly scooped the driveway, letting discontent grow at the fact that my neighbor uses his truck/snowplow to plow the street, and then he plows the piles he made up onto each of the neighbor's lawns.

After I was done, I stepped out of the garage onto the cement pad leading to my back door. You actually go in and out of the garage to get to the back door, a remnant of a poorly planned remodel I think.

Anyway, the back yard was silent. In my attempt at being more silent this week, I took off my headphones and watched. There's this thing that happens sometimes at night, where it's not the moon but somehow everything is bright with a pinkish light. I'd like it to be some result of enduring the snow that we get to see it, but it's probably pollution.

As I stood there, just watching, I remembered my favorite part of snow when I was little. I would enact a plan, on snow days, that never quite came to fruition. The plan was this--I would dig out a snow cave, preferably with an overhang above my head, make it nice and comfy inside with the snow smooth and rounded, and then I would take a book outside and read in my cozy pod.

I don't remember ever once getting to the part where I took a book outside to read in my snow cave, but the memory of it tonight gave me a reason to be thankful for the snow. For a moment, I even thought about building one tonight, knowing full well I'd never take a book outside and read in it.

Silencio

There are times I sit down in church, scan the bulletin for the sermon title, and know with relief that the sermon is going to be exactly what I need to hear that day. I suppose that, going to church most weeks, it shouldn't be a surprise when a few sermons a year really grab me, but when it happens it feels like a miracle.

It happened this morning, on a morning I was so not into going to church. It's negative degrees here, and I just didn't feel like it. But, the other morning activities were all leading to leaving for church, so I went with it.

All week I've been thinking hard about some questions. Mostly just where do I want to be 5 years from now, or 10? Not just geographically, but otherwise too. Anyway, these thoughts and ideas have been, well, really tormenting me all week. Sometimes it's fun and exciting to think about the possibilities, but this week it was awful and scary.

So I sat down in the pew, behind a very plastic family. I often sit behind them since I like the right side, middle, location. The father never sings, or really shows any sort of interest at all. The teenagers almost fall asleep, and the mom doodles with the younger daughter. At least that's how it looks.

The service started with singing, some quieter songs, and I was overwhelmed with wanting the silence to start immediately. The preacher preached about Elijah and God passing on the mountain, speaking in a small, still voice, and for the first time I actually heard a preacher discuss how exactly it is that you can start to achieve silence. It was amazing. We had a time for silent prayer, and I so desperately wanted the quiet, but the children near me, though they weren't circus family children, did not seem to understand my desire for silence.

I came home, cursing the cold wind, and sat down to be silent. It wasn't perfect...I don't know that I heard God's voice, but it's a start.

I also decided that I need more daily silence, so I'm going to try giving up TV for a while. This also happens to coincide with lent. I wonder if I get credit for both being silent and giving up TV for lent. Just kidding. Anyway, I'm not a pharisee about it and I'm still going to watch Project Runway, but I'm trying it as an experiment. It's very Kathleen Norris...not a deprivation, but an invitation to something more.

We shall see how it goes. I did pay off my ridiculous amount of library fines so I could start checking out books again. I have no idea where that $12 came from...

Totally unrelated photo: kitty pile-up.

Scarlett Johannson digs Obama too

A Random Post

I've had a cold all week and am just feeling better. My eyelids are way too heavy for it to be only 9:10pm. I hung out with Ang, Ryan, and Amalia today, and Amalia smiled at me for the first time. Go Barack. I'm haunted by an NPR story on "incentive trusts," one of which was sprung on a 30 year old woman by her parents. The trust gave her children money...only she was single and didn't have children. Guilting from beyond the grave I suppose. I'm not watching the Super Bowl. I went to Covenant, and for the 2nd time in 2 weeks heard about the middle voice in Hebrew...very intriguing. Must learn more. I think I'm missing teaching. I shared a hymnal with a stranger this morning at church, and the little girl next to him handed a bulletin to him to put in the chair pocket. When he did it, she clapped for him and we both laughed.