Some days, in the midst of psychotic family drama and kids thinking it's a good idea to lift one another on to the roof to get a football down, there is a student who gives you hope. Today an 8th grade girl came in and said that after studying Romeo and Juliet in school last week, she and her friend watched the movie 8 times over the weekend. I was so happy to hear that because the week before, when I mentioned how interesting it is to think of Shakespeare in modern times, she said she had started to watch the movie, but hadn't understood it. Hooray for kids who learn things.

The theme of today's parent meeting:

All Families Are Psychotic

school, school, school

My time is being consumed by school. We've had 2-3 parent meetings per week after school, both helpful and destructive. The one night I didn't have anything this week I went to a party with some colleagues and talked about school. This weekend there's a school event, and I'm babysitting kids from school.

What do people who have normal jobs do with their time?

I am craving snow.

Alas, there is no snow in the forecast for the Bay Area.

Now appearing on Oprah and South Park

I admit it...I love South Park. And every now and then there's an episode so outrageous, a story so ridiculous, that it can't possibly be true. I figure they must be using some incredibly fabricated plot to poke fun of a truth that's a little less ridiculous.

Then, days or months later I find out that the plot actually IS true.

This has happened to me at least three times so far: an episode about Christian scientists, an episode about the foundations of Mormonism, and most recently....an episode about NAMBLA.

Couldn't be real you say? There couldn't possibly be something out there called the North American Man/Boy Love Association. Not so. Not only is it on South Park, today it's also on Oprah.

This is so much fun!

Teaching Sucks Sometimes

This week, and I know it's only Tuesday, has made me want to quit teaching very badly. I woke up in a good mood yesterday, but the day just went downhill. First, a parent who wants me to figure out why her daughter doesn't have friends, and to help her make friends. Okay...manageable though not really what I want to do. Then, yesterday after school a mother yelled at me.

Not a discussion, or rational talking, but YELLING. And in front of other people on the parking lot. Over something ridiculous. I don't mind parents disagreeing with me or asking me about why I choose to do what I do. But this was nothing like that. She was just M-E-A-N.

I need a mental health day and soon. It's only September... The bright light in all of this is that the Gilmore Girls' premier is tonight. Whee.

Camping

The camping is over for another year! Yea!

It actually wasn't that bad. The worst part was sleeping on a barely there mattress thrown over a hunk of wood. The cool night air was actually nice. I told the kids I think there is nothing better than being cozy warm in bed with the air all cool around you. I also let them know they are the only people I go camping for, and only once a year.

In terms of the actual activities of the trip, the zip line and "flying squirrel" were the most fun. I was nervous about both because I'm afraid of heights, but I couldn't not do them in front of the kids. The flying squirrel is this cable that's attached to a pulley high in the trees. A person is harnessed to the cable on one end, and a bunch of people pull the cable on the other end to hoist the person high in the air. The kids decided to run super fast so that I shot up into the air very quickly. Well done, 7th graders.

I also learned "what's going on" in the 7th grade. My cabin wanted to talk about....what else? The boys. They were shocked to learn that I have some vague ideas of what goes on their social lives. They went around the next day saying "Watch out...Miss D knows everything about us." Rock on.

We're going camping now, we're on our way...

Does anyone remember that song from Psalty? The big blue songbook and the kids go on a camping trip...there's a little girl who gets lost from the group and sings "I cast all my cares upon you."

Well, I'm going camping. Not exactly by my choice, but rather with my middle schoolers. This weekend is our "spiritual retreat." I did not name it that. Last year we California camped, in cabins with bathrooms and electricity. This year it's tent cabins for us...cabins sans real doors and windows, only canvas coverings. Have I mentioned I don't really love nature?

I love walking around in nature. Looking at bugs, trees, and caves even. Hiking? Nope. Going to the bathroom far away from where I'm sleeping? Nope. And if I'm going to go without electricity I want it to be somewhere tropical.

So I'm curious to see how this all will go. If it gets awful I'll teach the kids the Psalty songs and make them sing. Somehow I don't think they'll get the humor in it though. This class is strange that way. My colleague Becky and I have talked about it, and they just don't "get us." The other day I was telling a story about getting sick on a plane, and at a part where kids usually laugh, they didn't. So I said "Wow, you guys never smile or laugh, what's up?"

And one kid raised his hand, and with a straight face said "Miss De? We don't think puke is funny."

Okay then...

Today the same kid was fishing a "cool bottle" out from behind the neighbor's fence, bordering the playground. It turned out to be a Bombay Sapphire bottle, though I didn't share that with him. I asked the rest of the kids if they were putting anything OVER the fence, since the neighbors often call the school and complain. They said no....and looked guilty. I asked again, and one kid said:

"Um, well, just some poo."
Me: What? Poo? You threw poo over the fence?
Another kid: No, we didn't throw it. He had a pretzel and he dipped it in and threw it over

Well, now that's much better, isn't it?

Another Reason to Love the Grey Psalter Hymnal

It seems silly to be sad about it, but today was my nephew's baptism. I had wanted to be home with my family for it, but it didn't work out for various reasons. I thought about the baptism briefly when I woke up, but I wasn't going to dwell on it.

Browsing through the bulletin at church, I realized that there was a baptism scheduled this morning. It was the child of a German couple who are studying here, who had no family with them to witness the baptism. And as we read the form for baptism out of the grey psalter, I realized that although my family is far away, as is the family of the child baptised here, we were reading exactly the same form for baptism and making the same promises here and there.

I think that's what I love about tradition and churches with history--you are always liturgically connected. It made me feel a little better about missing my nephew's baptism.

Poo

The show is off....someone in it had a family emergency and this weekend's performances have been cancelled. That means no Amanda and Jason. Rats!

It did cheer me up though that tonight, while having dinner at the pastor's house, his son said goodbye to me by saying "Bye, Brandon!!!" I guess it's his middle name and is close enough to mine to pass...

Funny

A girl in my class asked me today how she should write an answer to a question. She said "Miss D, should we write it in a complete sentence, or can we use bulletin points?"

Jason Comes to My Town

This weekend was so much fun! It's been forever since I've seen Jason, and he happened to be in the neighborhood and came to visit.

Not only did he grill and drink Sofia Coppola's wine from a pink can as evidenced by the pictures, he also talked to my kids at school, and learned about where to buy real clavicles in the Bay Area.

The school thing was a riot. The kids absolutely loved him. He talked about how he uses reading and writing as an actor, and they asked questions....lots of questions. I think they knew that if they asked questions we wouldn't have to do anything else in class.

I was surprised at some of the really great questions they asked, like how he becomes inspired for a role, what director he'd like to work with, etc.

They also asked him to sing and act, which was great. He
did a Shakespeare monolgue for them, and sang a bit from Kiss Me Kate. Probably the best part of his visit was when they asked for his autograph. One girl had been folding a paper fan during his talk, and she asked him to sign her fan so that she could sell it on Ebay if he becomes famous. He said "If?" and she replied "Well, yeah....you know...." all practical and all. Another girl had him sign her vocabulary worksheet. What could be cuter than that?

Next weekend: Amanda and Jason, whoo-hoo!!!!!

School has been exhausting. This week has been full of drama, unfit for posting publicly. Suffice it to say seventh graders don't always consider the consequences of their actions. Or rarely. Maybe never.

I have collected a few funny kid stories so far this year. First, a conversation taking place outside my room. The kids are two fifth grade boys.

Kid A: Hey, man, in 5th grade everyone gets girlfriends!
Kid B: Girlfriends? No way! All they do is take all your allowance.
A: No they don't. Not that much...maybe 2 dollars a week.
B: Two dollars? I only get five! It's not worth it.
A: But everyone has one. I bet you can't get one in a month.
B: A month? You only start to make a friend in a month. I just met you three weeks ago and we're barely friends.

I tried to laugh quietly so they wouldn't get embarrased.

This morning I saw kid B again...to preface this story, our school has outdoor hallways. Each hallway has an overhang held up by poles. So I'm walking to my room, and Kid B is with another fifth grade boy by one of the poles. He's putting his left foot right next to the pole, so that the outside of his leg and foot are touching it. Then, he puts his right foot in front of that one, and grabs onto the pole. As I walk by I hear him say "And that's how you do a sit spin. You just grab onto the pole and do that."

I'm not sure if he was actually trying to teach the other kid pole dancing, but I was laughing so hard I couldn't have asked him if I wanted to.

I've wanted to see the movie Hardcore for a long time, but for one reason or another never got to it. When I was in college I saw the writer/director, Paul Schrader, speak at a Faith and Writing Conference. He was interesting to listen to because he was born into the CRC in Grand Rapids, and ended up leaving.

In the movie, Jake Van Dorn is looking for his daughter who has run away from a Young Calvinist convention to work in the porn industry. Along the way he meets a stripper who helps him look for his daughter. A lot happens, but what I really thought was funny/poignant/interesting was this: Jake and the girl are sitting in the airport, waiting for a flight. They start discussing beliefs, and he explains TULIP (major tenets of Calvinism) to her. Her reaction? No wonder you're so fucked up. Brilliant.

Does It Make You Chuckle?

So Dave and I have been having a conversation lately about what's funny, and if it's different for men and women. Mostly, it comes up because there are certain things I just do NOT think are funny, but most guys do. Like The Big Lebowski (or any other Coen brothers movie, really), and Monty Python, and Mr. Show.

We both like Ali G, but different parts, and for different reasons. So we've been talking, and I've been thinking about what gender has to do with humor. Some other friends hypothesize that women like humor where they can relate to the situation, and guys like more detached, absurd or physical humor.

I'm not sure though...I'd love to hear what other people think. And is there anything out there that most women find funny that men don't?

First Happy Child Moment of the New Year

This morning two of my now eighth grade girls came in and said they had a present for me. I was a little surprised, but thought it would be fun. It turns out they finished a story they had started writing with another friend during seventh grade, last year. They must've finished it over the summer, photocopied it, and gave me their first copy. They told me not to read the last page until I was finished with the whole book, but I couldn't stop myself. It was so cute! They thanked me for taking away their first book during class last year because it gave them ideas for this one, and thanked me for my "support" and help. How sweet! Oh, and when they become published and make gads of money they promised to remember me.

Jetta Report

As a Jetta owner, I find the Jetta Report really interesting. And darn good marketing.

Uh, Really?

Here's some text I found in a news article about Pluto's demotion to "dwarf planet":

"The shift will have the world's teachers scrambling to alter lesson plans just as schools open for the fall term."

Give us some credit. As a middle school teacher, counting out eight planets instead of nine does not top my list of current crises. The girl whose lace bra is on display? There's a crisis.

Bulletin Board

Here are some pictures of my bulletin board. The one on the left is a close-up of one of the postcards--this one is the immaculate coneption. The flash got a little weird. The blob in the upper left hand corner of the bulletin board actually says "What's your story?"

hip, hip, hooray!

The first day of school was a smashing success. My homeroom is fun, and they laughed at my jokes. No funny kid stories yet, but I'm celebrating the day with some great pinot grigio. Whoo-hoo!

First Day!

Tomorrow is our first day of school, ahhhh! No, actually, I'm feeling quite ready. The difference between last year and this year is amazing. It really helps seeing friendly faces around, and knowing some of the parents. My homeroom parents seem overwhelmingly supportive. I even had a few offer to grade things and help out. There is one psycho mom who will send me to an early grave, but overall I'm impressed.

I've never been a bulletin board person, but I'll have to post pictures of one I made this year. I guess "made" might be a little strong. I was at the Christian bookstore (yes, again there were crazies there, raving against the American Girls books carried there) and I found a book of the "postmodern Bible." It's a series of postcards by different artists and their interpretations of different stories in the Bible. They turned into a very fun bulletin board--not too cheesy, but colorful and intriguing, in my humble opinion.

I also completed a task today that was supposed to be finished before school started LAST year--I got a TB test. Seeing as how the clinic is about 300 feet from my apartment, I should have had it done a long time ago. I guess late is better than never though, at least when it comes to TB.

Score!

Finding devotional books for my middle schoolers is difficult. Either they're too childish (Does your brother or sister ever say mean things?), or they're way too mature (Maybe your friend has been raped). I have one book that I really like, Devotions by Dead People: Secrets from Beyond the Grave. Kids like it because it's kind of quirky, with little epitaphs after each devotional. I also like it because it goes a little deeper into the lives of the "dead people."

Today I found another score--Taming a Liger: Unexpected Spiritual Lessons from Napoleon Dynamite. The kids at our school LOVE Napoleon Dynamite. It doesn't matter that the movie is now getting old, they love it. There's a kid who looks just like Pedro. So yeah, score.

Children at Church are Funny

Church today was pretty funny. The children's message was about the Tower of Babel, and the kids were great. The person leading the message asked the kids if they could explain what happened at the tower. One kid raised her hand, and gave a very succinct, accurate answer. Once she was done, the adult leading it moved on. However, a very persistent kid kept his hand in the air. The leader finally called on him, and the kid said "Um, Jesus went on the cross!"

Then, after church, I was chatting with some people outside. I was catching up with one woman when her granddaughter walked up to us. I said hello, but the kid wouldn't reply. So I said "oh, she's being shy." Her grandmother said no, no way, she's not shy. She tried to get her to say hi, but the girl only stared at me. And kept staring. Her grandmother asked her a question, but the girl just kept staring. It was starting to get weird. The others standing there said she was entranced...weird.

Nellie's daughter also acted like she's never seen me before.

Lesson learned? I scare children. Strange.

Oh, So Your Kid Is Special Too?

Here is the most difficult part of my job for me: the parents.

Tonight a new student and her mom stopped by my room, while I was on my cell phone ordering takeout for dinner. The girl really didn't say anything, but the mom told me her daughter is very advanced in lang. arts, and is reading at a college level. In the seventh grade...

So she wants me to make special assignments for her, of course. This makes me really nervous at the first meeting because I'm pretty sure I'll never be able to satisfy this mom. She said her daughter reads 4-7 books per week, and that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree...At least I know what I'm getting into I guess.

I know that as a teacher you're not supposed to take stuff so personally, but I can't help it. It's so hard to try to be exactly what each parent wants. Ugh.

Size Comparison

3 weeks versus 4 months

He's surprised to find out he has a cousin!

The Apocalypse Is Near

Dave moved to OK and has internet at home, a cell phone, and (gasp!) text messaging.

And I've started running. Slowly. And not very far. Yet.

Welcome Home

I'm back. I was welcomed home by a flooded bathroom this morning at 5am. For a while now there's been a tiny little bit of water that leaks from the toilet tank. I've opened it up a few times, and when I do that, and flush the toilet at the same time, a geyser of water comes from the top of the tank. I suppose most normal people would have called maintenance a long time ago, but I always just repositioned the lid so that the leaking stopped.

This morning, it didn't stop. What a warm welcome home. Now I'm nervous to go down to the parking garage for fear my car windows have been smashed and/or my car won't start because rodents have once again invaded.

I've been...

Earlier this week a friend wrote and asked if everything was okay, since I haven't posted in a while. Yes, things are fine. Mostly I haven't posted because I've been at my parents' lake house with only a dial-up connection. We spent the week because my dad loves the Okoboji Bible Conference. It's not really my thing, but a week at the lake is always fun.

I also took a trip up to Minnesota for Heather's wedding. She and her husband got married outside, under a gorgeous grove of trees. It also happened to take place near a corn field, so we took a group photo.Donna and I drove up to the wedding together, and spent some time hanging out with everyone. We met Megan's kids, Cristina's husband, and Kristin's Italian fiance.

Perhaps the most exciting part of the MN trip was that we went with Megan to a county fair and a tractor pull. I think I've been to a tractor pull long, long ago, but I didn't remember how crazy it was.Not only did we get to watch the tractor pull, but we actually handed out the trophies. I guess Megan's family has been doing it for years, so we helped her hand out trophies with tractors and pickups on the tops. It was actually a lot of fun!

Tomorrow I head home. Donna and I actually both fly back tomorrow, but 12 hours apart. We've talked about leaving notes or other items in the airports, but I'm sure that would be frowned upon in the current situation.

tee hee

Tonight we went to the golf course for dinner and listed on the menu was a "breaded tenderlion sandwich." My sister-in-law had it and said it was quite good.

Bebe and Me

Bebe!!!!!!!!

My visit to Minneapolis has been put on hold because the newest bebe arrived this morning at 2:12am. Yea!! His name is Talan James...yes, like Talan on Laguna Beach. My sister-in-law and brother said that's not where it's from, but yeah...Anyway, he's adorable. 6 pounds and 10 ounces, 19 inches long. I think it's weird that they measure babies in lengths. It's also weird that both of my younger brothers have babies. I do love being an aunt though. Isn't he cute?

Talan, mid-yawn

Talan, post-yawn

Blancs have more fun

Thanks, Tara, for the title. I actually think it's hilarious. For those of you who haven't heard, a "blanc" is...well, it's not so clearly defined. Literally it means "white" in Creole. In practice, it often means anyone who's not Haitian and has some money.

Anyway, this is probably the last of the Haiti posts as I'm leaving for Minneapolis tomorrow and will have other things to post about.

So being a blanc in Haiti has its perks, like first class airline seats. But, it also invites some...interesting situations, particularly involving men. Let me give a few examples. First, men feel like they can walk up to you and just say "I love you baby, marry me!" I used to think this was just for blancs, but after watching "I Love You Anne," a Haitian movie, it may also be for Haitian women.

One night Charity and I went out for dinner at the restaurant at a hotel. While we were eating we saw a group of guys come in. We were laughing at them because they looked like they were trying to dress "American," and going just a little too far. And one of them had huge, disgusting muscles, like he was on steroids. So the muscley one sits down at the table next to us, and a tall one (probably 6'3" or something) walks over and plants his hands on our table. Oh, and he thinks he is smooooooooth. Here's his introduction:

Him: Hello. What's your name?
Charity: Charite. Char-i-te.
Him: Oh, do you do it a lot? (Confused stares from me to Char and back)
Charity: Do what?
Him: Charity. Like your name.
Him: I saw you Wed. night. I know where you were.

Uh....what? Okay, this was starting to get creepy. It turns out that he had seen us at the Petionville Club. You kind of stand out as a blanc.

So it went on. Introductions were made, and then he told us, seemingly as part of the introduction, that he is the director of special operations for the police force, as if that should inspire awe and fawning. Anyway, he was a total jerk and interrupted our dinner for about 10 minutes.

Strangely, the next day we were sitting in a burger place waiting for our order, and we saw him (the police chief), and the muscley guy on tv. It turns out there was a body building competition at the beach and the police guy was promoting the body builder. Haiti is strange.

Though I often find the...wooing tactics, to be slimey and humorous, all the attention is fun sometimes. But here's the point of my post--I think Haitian men have the best of the whole situation. From what I've observed and have been told, they get to go around wooing from woman to woman (and often much more than wooing), and most Haitian women don't blame the men--they blame each other!

If you ever want to see a cat fight, let me tell you...insinuate, in the slightest way, that someone is stealing a Haitian woman's man, and it's on.

Another reason blancs have more fun. :)

The Baptist Mission

One afternoon while I was in Haiti, we went up to the Baptist Mission. I went with Charity, and another friend who is in Haiti with MINUSTAH.

The mission is all the way up a mountain, hence the beautiful views (there are pictures in the previous post). It's also nice because they have a restaurant and bakery with amazing food. It's also just peaceful there, a welcome repreive from Port-au-Prince.

I had been to the mission before when I lived in Haiti. In fact, there was a teacher at Quisqueya who married a man that works at the mission. but until this trip I did not know about some of the, um, eccentricities of the mission.

For one, they have a "zoo." I put it in quotes because it's, well, a very sad zoo. Charity pointed out though that it's probably the only zoo some Haitians will see. We saw this monkey, who looked like he's had much trash thrown at him. Either that or he's been binging on candy lately.

There was also an alligator (with a little boy poking him with a stick), peacocks, and a whole slew of rabbits. No wonder, since they had more than one in a cage. Sadly the American Raccoon had died, but they still had a couple of snakes.

Somehow even stranger than the zoo was the mission museum. I'm not sure what qualifies as a museum, but if a few animals qualify as a zoo, I guess this qualifies as a museum.

Some background first--missionaries are weird. Granted, this is my humble opinion. But, in my experience, missionaries are strange, and have to be to do what they do. So the missionaries who started the mission had some crazy ideas. And, they have a whole wall of the museum devoted to their family and their photos. A friend told me that the Haitians actually call the mission "Kay Wallace," which means the house of the Wallace's, the people who started it.

So keeping in mind that missionairies are somewhat eccentric and bizarre people, here's
some of what was in the museum. Notice the fossilized dinosaur manure, and the Indian pottery--the sign is my favorite. And, possibly the most hilarious part to me is the, well, let's call it "slant" on most of the sign.

Like this sign to the left. It says "They ate all of Haiti's monkeys, but still liked to picture their faces!" Weird!

The blue wall below is a group of pictures of different groups of people around the world. So the museum had some Haitian history stuff--Duvalier, money from of old, some old armaments, etc. It also had the customary missionary versus voodoo display, and then it got weird.

There were some posters of old cars, then a few walls displaying clothing and customs of people around the world, and the whole wall about the people who started the mission.

I mean no disrespect to missionaries, but in my personal experience, this museum exemplifies what missionaries can be like. Self-absorbed, judgemental, and not always very accurate about things like fact and truth.

Like I said, not all missionaries, but many.

If you don't believe me, read The Poisonwood Bible.

One thing I learned though living in Haiti is that you just have to LAUGH out loud at stuff like this--it's funny!

Haiti is messed up. Laugh when you can.

Pictures from Haiti

The road to Ft. Jacques

The view of Port-au-Prince from Ft. Jacques

An inverter, which stores electricity when it's on (1-2 hours/day) so it can be used later

A Flamboyant tree we saw from the road

Another view of Port-au-Prince

More of Port-au-Prince

Driving down Delmas

Things that go bump in the night

I've decided to post stories/pics. from Haiti in different posts, mostly to help me organize my thoughts on this trip. This one is dedicated to the Olaffson Hotel, featured in Graham Greene's The Comedians, and all things dark.

Charity and I had drinks at The Olaffson during the week I was there. It's interesting to actually see the hotel after reading Graham Greene's novel. In the novel, the Olaffson is alternately a bastien of safety and a den of inquity.

Today, it's a shabby, rambling hotel that desperately needs a renovation. The paint is flaking, the foliage overgrown, and the tile chipped. It also has the feeling that it's almost deserted as you walk in, and you don't see any guests walking the grounds.

There was a Graham Greene room, on the room he supposedly stayed in while he was in Haiti.

In many ways, the hotel reflects the dark days of the Duvalier years, which have morphed into the dark days in Haiti now. The threat is no longer Papa Doc and the Tontons Macoutes, but now it's kidnappings and all manner of corruption.

While I was in Haiti I learned about many kidnappings, and one of a former student of mine. The girl was in 7th grade when I taught in Haiti, and is now high school age. I was horrified to find out that she had been kidnapped, but even more horrified to find out that people think that she was kidnapped by a former classmate at the school. Though this is all passed by word of mouth (the only reliable means of communication in Haiti), and may be more or less true, it's very disturbing.

The last Sunday before I left we learned of another kidnapping at church. It's hard to explain the level of fear that instills in you, to hear that people you know are being taken off the streets. And what's even more amazing to me, is the dedication of people working there that doesn't waiver. Though most people understand they're at risk, it doesn't stop their belief in making Haiti a better place, though the US Ambassador has as much as admitted that Haiti is a failed state. Interestingly, some Haitian-American friends said that what Haiti really needs is an act of God--an earthquake, hurricane, etc. to just start over.

I wasn't lying!

I've mentioned to a few people my memories of having "pet parades" at the nursing home in town when I was little. We would dress up our animals (my cat Jeffy and my rabbit Sport) in Cabbage Patch Kid clothes, and parade them around for the residents to see. Each person I've said this too found it unbelievable that this would happen. Here's proof: an article from the local newspaper, detailing this year's pet parade. I wasn't lying!

Safe and Sound

I am home safe and sound, and so is my computer! Yippee! That means pictures and stories from Haiti later tonight!

No Man's Land

I am home! Sort of...I'm actually in Miami, a no man's land on this trip. I have lots of pictures to post, and stories that are hard to believe, but that will have to wait until I'm home and can hook up my camera to my newly-repaired laptop (yea!). I guess I'm exchanging a now-working laptop for sunglasses I broke in Haiti--smashed them in the gate of Charity's house...oops.

Anyway, the airport ordeal is over. I can't tell you what a relief it is when leaving Haiti to actually be seated on the airplane. Let me back up though...We left the house at 7:25am this morning, and I didn't actually sit down in the gate area until 10:20am, and the airport is probably 5 miles from Charity's house.

The line at the airport was a mile long, and I had three guys ask me if I would like to "check in real quickly!" Well, yes, I would, but not for what they were asking. If any one of them thinks I'm going to give my passport up to some stranger in the airport to avoid standing in line, think again. Even though the line was hot, sweaty, and stinky. I was standing with the pastor of Charity's church though, which was a little reassuring.

Not quite as reassuring was the baggage "inspector." He put his hand in my bag for about five seconds, sort of moved it around, and then asked me if I was married...ugh. Thankfully my Creole isn't good enough to know what else he said. He did give my bag back though.

Here's the part of the experience this time that I find hard to swallow--I had waited at the gate to be one of the last people on. It's not like I could've pushed through the rushing crowd even if I had wanted to. So I'm standing in line, and a nice Haitian guy behind me is chatting with me--he lived in the states and was just being friendly--no marriage proposals. All the sudden everyone is pointing at me and saying "madam." The gate agent wanted my attention. I look at her, and she asks for my boarding pass. I give it to her, and she tears it up! I was about to say something when she printed out a new one...for first class.

Slightly confused, I take it and get on the plane. The pastor and his wife have also been bumped into first class. I hear the flight attendants talking about how the flight is oversold. Here's what gets me though--it's only because I'm white. There was no other explanation--I had a seat assignment already, I was in the middle of the line with people all around me, and the gate agent picked me.

Haiti's got some issues...

More stories soon!

The rain in Haiti

This is what happens when it rains in Haiti.

Miss Charite and a few other random thoughts about Haiti

Bon jou! Computer access again, it's amazing. Actually, I'm at Charity's office where they have wireless...a lot sure has changed since I was here last. When I first arrived for my teaching job in 2001, we had the worst internet connection and would wait nearly an hour to read or send one e-mail.

So anyway, Charity is the reason I'm back in Haiti. When I came here to teach, I lived with her and another roommate. She helped me adjust to Haiti, having already lived here a while--one year out in an orphanage in the countryside, and many more in Port-au-Prince.

I promised Charity that I would write a post about her, picture and all. So what really impresses me about her, and many others in Haiti, is her dedication to this country and the people. She's worked here for I think 5 or 6 years now, and just became the country director for the Mennonite Central Committee. They work here in Haiti on reforestation projects and human rights. I've been teasing her that she is now the "gwo chef" or head honcho, but she's very humble about it all.

Okay, a few other random thoughts about Haiti since yesterday's post--first, you will never see a night as dark as night in Haiti. Without electricity or many street lights, stepping out of someone's house at night is like stepping into another world. I remember reading a great description of the darkness in Edwidge Danticant's book "Breath, Eyes, Memory."

Another random thing--Nearly everyone in Port-au-Prince is now carrying around 2 cell phones. It either attests to the disorganization present in daily life, or the ingenuity of Haitians. A new cell phone company came in recently offering lower rates and charging by the second instead of the minute along with better international rates. However, their network does not interface with the existing cell phone company, so everyone carries two phones with two numbers.

One last random thought--I went to a Bible study last night with Charity, and was impressed with the sharing and study of the Bible in so many different languages. As the study began, the pastor asked us to read the last chapter of 1st John, taking turns reading around the circle. As the verses were read, each person read the next verse in his or her own language, encompassing at least three or four lanuages by the time the chapter was done. There is beauty in the diversity of the body of Christ.

I'm in Haiti!

I'm here, in Haiti, yea! Charity and I are sitting in a coffee shop in Petionville, the first of its kind in Port-au-Prince. It's amazing. A lot has changed since I was here last, in 2003 I think.

The airport scenario did not play out quite how I thought it might. First, we left about 30 minutes late from Miami. This was because someone checked in, and checked baggage, but never showed up for the flight. So, they had to rifle through the luggage to find this person's stuff and get it off the plane. And Haitians take their right to baggage seriously...most people carrying suitcases equivalent to their body weight or size. I saw someone taking on board a full-size keyboard, many boomboxes (80s style, all square), plants (yep), and the woman seated behind me had a gigantic plastic bag, at least 4 feet tall. She also had a roll of packing tape around her arm during the whole flight, and when we landed started to tape up the bag...why when we landed? I have no idea.

So we land in Port-au-Prince, and there are a few sprinkles coming down. They turn off the seatbelt sign, and everyone jumps up. There's a mad rush for the door. Then, the flight attendants tell everyone to sit down. For those of you who have been on one of these flights, you can imagine what happened. If you haven't, here's what happened--no one paid one bit of attention. They kept shoving toward the door. It took the Creole-speaking flight attendant barking for people to sit down before anyone moved. It became apparent that it was raining outside, along with thunder and lightning, and they said we would have to wait for 10-15 minutes before we could get off the plane. Well, 10-15 became about an hour and a half, during which one guy tried to start a riot, a pastor tried to calm him down, and a whole group of people started singing hymns and having a party in the back.

Then, and this is the best part, they told us that they would take us off in small groups with umbrellas and a small van, but we would need some patience. HA! The mad rushing of the door continued, and American Airlines actually ferried us individually into the airport under umbrellas.

I got through customs and immigration easily, but when I came out of the airport, was again pursued by many, many men wanting to help me with my luggage or give me a taxi ride. I exahusted my knowledge of Creole with "M'pa bezwen" and "No, mesi,' I don't need it, and no thank you. Trying to keep some space, I acted like I knew exactly where my ride was, even though I wasn't quite sure. Making a fool of myself, I actually tried to wade through the now rushing river accumulated in front of the airport from the rain. A wave of laughter rose from the crowd as I was almost up to my knees in what I can only imagine was some sort of sewage/trash/rainwater sludge. Eventually I found my ride, but lost any sense of dignity. Ah, Haiti.

Anyway, the rest of the trip so far has been great. Charity and I have been hanging out, eating all the wonderful Haitian food, and playing Scrabble. Mangoes, baguette, diri, etc. have been so good. I'm hoping for some banan peze at some point and then I'll be set. I've spent a lot of time reading outside on the porch while Charity works, and generally taking in Haiti again.

I'm not really sure how to describe Haiti...it's the same as it was, but a lot has changed. And you forget how much it can assault your senses. As I was sitting outside one morning I realized how much I was being bombarded with--I could alternately smell trash and someone cooking breakfast, I could see the street with its masses of people walking to and fro, the birds flitting tree to tree, and the neighbor's kids playing on their steps. Possibly the most assaulting, at least in Port-au-Prince, is the noise. That morning I could hear the birds, loud trucks on the street, people walking and yelling, someone selling mops, a radio playing loudly somewhere, and a couple somewhere arguing. Amazing.

Church on Sunday at the Fellowship House reminded me of other realities of Haiti. The sermon was about fear, and after the sermon the pastor asked for anyone who wanted to to share about how they had been delivered from fear. 3 different people spoke, 2 sharing stories of loved ones or friends who have been kidnapped in the past few weeks. It's a reality here. One of my former students, now an 11th grader, was kidnapped, and thankfully returned.

Being here makes you much more thankful for the small things. This morning the electricity was on for about a half hour, which meant I could shower with good water pressure--I was elated. You get far more excited about just hanging out with good friends and having dinner with people.

Anyway, I'm having a good trip, despite a few pesky mosquitoes. Hopefully non-malaria and non-dengue mosquitoes, though that remains to be seen.

I may or may not have a chance to update again while I'm here. Hope you all are well! Bon Swa!

The nightmare that is the PAP airport

So my friend Charity gave me this advice about arriving at the Port-au-Prince airport: Walk through like you own the world. She's so right. She's been trying to reassure me about the experience for the last day or two, but I hate it.

This may have something to do with the very first time I flew in there--I had been in Amanda and Jason's wedding the night before, got up at 3am, forgot to wear deodorant (oops!) and arrived on a day when the luggage carousels were not working and they were unloading everyone's luggage (at least 3 flights full) by hand. It took about 3 hours for me to get out of the airport with my luggage.

If you look at the picture I snagged from the internet, you can see the crowds outside. This is a normal day. The crowds inside are much the same, with everyone asking you, no, more likely demanding that they help you with your luggage. It's really quite a daunting experience. If you're lucky, you can walk out of the airport not only with a porter or two for your bags, but likely with a few marriage proposals. A favorite compliment/insult that I got while I was in Haiti was that I have a "good form," which means something like good birthing hips crossed with an hourglass figure....hmm, I'm not sure about that.

Anyway, if you're praying people, think about me Sat. afternoon. And the masses of people who travel to and from Haiti everyday. For an insightful story into the horrors of the Port-au-Prince airport, check out this story from a missionary who lives there.

Frantico

There are so many things I'd like to write/post about, and so little good computer access and time in which to do it. I dropped off my laptop today in Sioux Falls, hoping that it can be salvaged. Then Dave and I had drinks tonight at the Blue Mountain Club in OC, which was a really good time. Tomorrow my nephew will be here to be babysat, and Friday I leave for Haiti. I also have been thinking a lot about the grotesque in N'west Iowa (more to come later), and what makes me go back to Haiti (other than Miss Charite). I also detest slow computers, and lack of wireless internet access. I'm also lamenting the loss of the SJ libraries for the summer...they're so awesome. The Hull library had exactly 2 books on CD, and stacks of Christian romance novels, ick.

So I don't know when I'll blog again, whether or not I'll have access in Haiti, etc. Wish me luck on the journey--it's pretty much a quest since it'll take a full 4 days to get there and back. Hooray for having bought books in preparation. This will be the month I finish Anna Karenina.

Ack!

I just got back from a great visit with Sara and Jeff, and was excited to post a picture of Sara with her new short hair. It's cool. But, to my shock and horror, my laptop will not turn on. This is horrible. My only comfort is that I started backing stuff up on an external hard drive at home, but this is still quite disturbing... At least my parents' computer still works.

Not a lot else going on...lots of chatting and hanging out with Sara and Jeff. I also leave for Haiti this weekend, then see Ang and Ryan after that, and hopefully a few days visiting camp. It all makes for a pretty boring blog during the summer I suppose. If you're bored reading, check out Donna's. She's got a fun summer activity going on right now.

Back to the Blogosphere

I feel like I've been gone forever, but I guess it's only a few days. It feels like more because this place is so different than where I came from. Yesterday a neighbor lady was talking about somebody's farm operation, and she was telling my mom who worked there. She said "They've got a De Jong, a Groeneweg, and a Mexican."

I've mostly been relaxing at the lakes with the family. I can't say we've really done a whole lot. We spent some time out on the boat, laid out on the dock, and ate at the obligatory restaurants--the Inn and the Wharf. We did make a trip to Walmart, where I saw a curly mullet, and we've all been spending a lot of time ogling this guy:

The plans for the week are pretty sparse. I set up the wireless router I bought my dad for father's day (thanks, Jeff!). I've spent a lot of the morning playing my parents' piano and hanging out on their back deck. It's a nice view, actually. They live on the edge of town, so there's a big backyard that backs up to a cornfield. Very Iowa. Oh, and there's a kid mowing our lawn...someone my parents know, I hope.

Later on in the week I'll get to see Nellie and her girls who are coming back to the motherland. Yea!

Ode to MSP

So I'm blogging sooner than I thought. I'm sitting in the Minneapolis airport, awaiting my flight which has been delayed. I've already finished watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, read Oprah and National Geographic, so I'm getting kind of bored. The airport is woefully sparse with the outlets for laptop charging, so I'm sitting on the floor between the ladies restroom and a prepaid phone card machine.

In my boredom, I've decided to compose a short, rhyming, silly poem called "Ode to MSP" in honor of my favorite airport at which to be stuck:

Ah, M-S-P
You're the airport for me
From where I sit
to type and knit
an abandoned french fry greets me
Your worn carpet and pleather
and hot muggy weather
welcome me home without so much as 1 tree

Ah, M-S-P
with carts that nearly run over me
Ladies in sweatshirts and stretch pants,
moms with babies who dance
herald me home
irritated by cell phones
to the land of the corn and the beans.

the end.

more to come if I'm still stuck here in another hour.

Au Revoir

The travels begin. I'm off tomorrow, to home, Iowa, Okoboji, Minneapolis, Haiti, Iowa City, and somewhere near Willmar for Heather's wedding. Thankfully my parents now have high speed internet so I won't have to leave my blog for too long.

I'm excited about the holiday weekend as I'll be spending it at the lakes with my whole family, babies (born and unborn) and all. There we still have dial-up, though I suppose that's fitting for a lake retreat--all relaxed and all. Happy 4th of July, everyone!

Prayer

George MacDonald (1824-1905)

My prayers, my God, flow from what I am not;
I think thy answers make me what I am.
Like weary waves thought follows upon thought,
But the still depth beneath is all thine own,
And there thou mov'st in paths to us unknown.
Out of strange strife they peace is strangely wrought;
If the lion in us pray--thou answerest the lamb.

Hot Ripon, Baked Goods, and a Cemetery Deer

Since my prowess in the kitchen is often nonexistant, I thought I'd post a picture of the cinnamon rolls I made (from scratch!) just to prove it. You can see that my mathematical-spatial abilities have not improved though. I was supposed to cut the "cinnamon roll log" into 12 pieces...I started from the middle, which was obviously the wrong thing to do. I figured out later I should have started by cutting it into 3 pieces. So, yeah, I ended up with a few different sized rolls, but overall they were a success.

After the cinnamon rolls, but before Ripon, I went to the Monterey Bay Aquarium with Nellie and her girls. With all the excitement at the aquarium, I didn't take any pictures. I can tell you that one of her girls was so excited about a seal that she threw up, and I almost dropped the other one into the penguin tank. Kidding. Kind of.

Anyway, we were driving around while one of the girls was sleeping, and we happened upon a cemetery full of deer. So, of course we stopped. Just to prove it, here's a deer.
Yesterday I spent the afternoon and evening in Ripon with Nellie and her family. The drive out there is the most open space I've seen in a long time in California. I know, I shouldn't take pictures while I drive, but I get bored. I actually saw this stretch of freeway twice because of a navigational error.What you can't see in the picture is that it was ridiculously hot. The high in Ripon yesterday was a cozy 104. Thankfully the A/C worked all the way out there. While driving I was haunted by a story from one of the other teachers at my school--she and her husband were driving on a hot day like this when they came upon a sheet accident. A whole truckload of sheep had overturned on the freeway, and many had been hit by cars. It turned into a 3-4 hour long ordeal, at the beginning of which they'd started to mock the people who didn't have A/C. At just the moment they began cackling, their A/C gave out.

Thankfully there were no sheep accidents. Ripon was interesting. There were a lot of things that were very similar to N'West Iowa, but some key differences, mainly diversity and big cities nearby. Some things were the same though--Nellie's parents cooked an outstanding Sunday night dinner, complete with mashed potatoes, corn, meat and applesauce. We also discussed the food pile-up (some for, some against) and the jello and pretzel combo (split again). I also got a tour of their almond farm, complete with processing plant. It's an amazing structure, really.

Perhaps the best part of the visit was that at nightchurch we sang my least favorite hymn. The organist ended the song (all 4 verses) with a finale when he crescendoed into a key change on verse 4. Will this song ever die?

Wait....Hull has a website? Oh my, I was just looking for the link to the town website, and found it has a Wikipedia entry too.

Times sure have changed. The website says they have both a Summerfest and a Winterfest. When I was growing up there was only Horse Shoe Days, which I don't see on the Events Calendar. Oh, and the population (according to Wikipedia) has grown from about 1,700 when I lived there to 1,960. It brings to mind Maurice's apt but strangely suggestive motto: "Small in size, but on the rise!"

Reader Survey

I want a new way to organize the list of people that have links on my blog. I want something interesting, but informative. I've thought about time periods, but some people span more than 1. Or length of their names, but that doesn't really help locate anyone...

Other ideas?

For your laughing enjoyment!

Here is a blast from the past. My dad sent it today, after receiving it from one of his German colleagues. My family went to Germany to visit the candy factory where the gummy bears were made, before the Black Forest brand was sold. I think I'm 12 in the picture. I actually think the picture is hilarious because it highlights almost all of the ugly, embarrassing things about being that age. Note the braces, spiral perm, white Keds, and (gasp!) fanny pack. My brother's glasses are pretty funny too.

This picture makes me rethink the magnitude of any embarrassment in my current adult life. :)

H-O-T

My web browser has a little built-in weather forecast thingy, and usually there's an icon like a sunshine, a cloud, a raindrop, etc. Today there's just a red thermometer with heat waves coming off the top of it.

I've been tagged...

So Nellie has tagged me, which means I have a survey to complete. Here we go:

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4. Mine says "window has an identical number of stitches and"

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What can you touch? My coffee cup from this morning

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV? Gilmore Girls

4. Without looking, guess what time it is. 10:09pm

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time? 10:00pm

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? The air conditioner

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing? at 8:30, driving home from my haircut, which takes way too long for how short it is

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at? Tons o' blogs :)

9. What are you wearing? Jeans and a tank top (full of hair from my haircut)

10. Did you dream last night? Yes! Scary house being broken into dream

11. When did you last laugh? This afternoon, while babysitting Nellie's girls. I laughed when her oldest tried to convince me that mommy said we could watch 3 videos AND go to the park

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in? Sadly, nothing yet...

13. Seen anything weird lately? Do my plants not dying count?

14. What do you think of this quiz? It's long...

15. What is the last film or video you saw? The Break-Up. Long, and should have ended too many times.

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy? A house here and one near my family. Sadly the house here would cost most of that money.

17. Tell me something about you that I don’t know. Maybe ya'll know this, but I have more cat names on my list than kids' names.

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? Give people little boxes on top of their heads that tell you what they're REALLY thinking

19. Do you like to dance? Only if I've had a few drinks, or if no one can see me.

20. Comment to George Bush: Um, really?

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? Anna or Grace

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him? I have no idea. I have a list of names that are off the list though after teaching for three years.

23. Would you ever consider living abroad? yep!

24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gate? Relax.

25. 4 people who must also do this quiz on THEIR blog: Okay, so now you all are at my mercy--Megan, Ang, Donna, and Charity

Projects!

I LOVE having projects to do. I think I like them partly because in my work I don't really get to see many "finished products," so it's nice to see other things come to completion. Today I started on two summer projects. The first is a baby blanket I'm going to knit for one of the new babies. Today I went to a yarn store near my house and got some beautiful dark gray yarn.

My grandmother taught me how to knit quite a few years ago now, and I've never really gotten past scarves. Actually, I think I may have completed what I called a "cat scarf," really just a very small scarf. Then there was the WAY too big rainbow scarf....also never finished. Not that this bodes well for the baby blanket, but yeah...

The other project I started, and actually completed today, is a place to keep my knitting needles. Right now they live in a "To teach is to touch a life forever" bag embroidered with my name...and a "Miss" in front of it. :(

When my grandparents moved into a retirement home, my grandmother gave me a trove of knitting, crotcheting, and sewing things, which I love. So I bought fabric and sewed up the handy knitting needle holder. It's kind of like a knife or jewelry roll--there are pockets for the needles, and then it rolls up and ties with a ribbon. I quite like it.

My next project is going to be more domesticity on display--bread. I've never been sucessful at making any type of yeast bread from scratch, so I'm anxious to try again. I'm thinking cinnamon rolls....mmmm.

It seems that this week I have been hit upside the head with the revelation that I am going about some things all wrong. I have been preoccupied for the last few months with trying to figure out God’s calling on my life. I’ve wanted to know the specifics—job, city, house, etc. I’ve been comparing my life to what I dreamed about as a child, and trying to figure out why it doesn’t match. I’ve completely ignored everything unplanned that has been good.

So thankfully I’ve been shoved this week in another direction. And I did need a good bit of shoving…I finally got the picture after a 3-point life sermon, how appropriate. First, I got into a discussion with a friend of how specifically God works in our lives…whether or not he shows us which job to choose, which house to buy, etc. Then, I was reading a book I picked up this week, and was nudged to think about any differences between my imagined life and my real life, and anything I am thankful for about that. I was surprised to come up with a list of things that haven’t happened in my life that I’m thankful for.

Then finally this morning the sermon at church was all about discerning our calling. His first point was that our highest calling is Micah 6:8—to do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with our God. He also talked about the fact that although there is no one single plan, we work out our calling with fear and trembling. We are involved, but we need to be still, to listen and discern God’s movement.

The part of the sermon that really hit me is that God’s desires will be made known as we respond, that we are to be faithful where we are now. One of the things I’ve been so arrogant about is the fact that I believe that I determine exactly what will happen next in my life. Not only have I refused to see the path that brought me to this point, but I have also refused to acknowledge the fact that each event in my life has prepared me for the next. God does not owe me the life I imagined for myself long ago, but he has other, better plans.

I’m really curious to hear if other people have opinions on this. I thought I had calling all figured out in college, but yeah…not so much. Not that I get it all now…part of what I’ve learned is that I know WAY less than I think I do about the future.

Viewing our faults

Yesterday a friend and I took a sight-seeing trip around some of the more interesting parts of Northern California, particularly those prone to earthquakes. Yes, I'm currently a bit obsessed with earthquakes.

We stopped in Fremont, and saw this exhibit, which is part of the exposed Hayward fault. It's not the exact fault on which this week's earthquake happened, but they're all connected. The exhibit was really cool, but not exactly what I was expecting.

I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it didn't really look all that different from any other giant hole in the earth. I think that's why earthquakes are so interesting to me--they're so sneaky. You can't really see anything happening, but you can see the effects.

One of the guides at the Hayward Fault was particularly helpful, and took us out into the parking lot to see how the curb had been torn apart.

There were also two trees that seemed to be on top of the fault, and they were strangely twisted, as if from the force of the movement. Unfortunately I didn't get any pictures of them, but I was glad that they were pointed out.

We also went to downtown Hayward, where you can see how earthquakes have messed with curbs and streets.

We finally drove up to Berkeley, and to the UC Berkeley campus where the stadium is built directly over the fault, running from goalpost to goalpost. I'm not sure if they're tempting fate or just don't think it's likely an earthquake will happen during a football game.

More appealing than the football stadium was the view from the Lawrence Hall of Science on the Berkeley campus. This picture really can't do the view justice. You can see Marin County, San Francisco, Berkeley, Oakland, and even some of the hills near San Jose.

More on the earthquake

Nerdy, but cool: You can view a map of the earthquake's intensity from this morning. Also, people can write in and tell the USGS whether or not you felt the earthquake. I completed their survey, and it's interesting what they ask. One of the questions asked whether you got under a door frame, stayed where you were, or ran outside. I guess I didn't run outside, but I did run to the window. I guess the earthquake training at school didn't really help much.

Earthquake

I felt my first earthquake this morning! I woke up at about 5:30am, and sort of freaked out. This is a strange way to describe it, but it felt exactly like a cat jumping off the bed while you're sleeping. But then I heard the windows sort of rattle, and I started to wonder if someone was trying to break in, or if someone was in my apartment. Thankfully it was starting to get light, so I got up and looked around. Nothing was out of the ordinary except that I had forgotten to turn the air conditioner on before bed and it was getting too warm to sleep.

So I woke up this morning, and while I was having coffee and watching the news I saw on the Today Show that there was a 4.7 magnitude earthquake about 30 miles away from here. Wow, my first earthquake, and I mistook it for a cat.

Training Them Young

Tonight I went into a Christian bookstore, looking for a Book of Common Prayer. I'd checked Barnes and Noble, but couldn't fine one. Strangely enough, the staff at the Christian bookstore couldn't find one either, though two appeared on their computer screens. This is strange to me because it seems like the Book of Common Prayer is something that's been around for a very long time, and shouldn't be so mysterious...

Anyway, while I was searching the store for it, something funny happened. There was a smallish boy, maybe four years old, walking through the aisles. As he passed the books of sheet music, he stopped, pointed to one, and looked around for his mom. He couldn't see her right away, so basically just into the air he said "This isn't a Christian book!" And then he kept shouting it, like he expected someone to run and grab it and throw it on the book-burning pile. "This isn't a a Christian book, this isn't a Christian book!"

It made me laugh out loud, but then I was thinking...how in the world did he make that determination? He couldn't have been older than 4 or 5. And why was it so disturbing to him? It's quite scary to see a 4 year old that freaked out about "secular" sheet music. Nearly as scary as the scripture mints near the door.

More on Jpod

The verdict is in--I loved Jpod. I was also the very first person to check out a copy from the entire SJ library system. For those of you who don't live here, that type of geekiness is encouraged, not shunned here.

Jpod reminded me a lot of Microserfs, but in a good way. It has a similar cast of characters--a group of friends working at a high-tech place, with the back-scab guy replaced by a people-smuggler named Kam Fong. It has a similarly surreal plot that isn't believable, but very intriguing. And, of course, there are the weird Douglas Coupland-required pages of strange things. In this book there are 20 pages dedicated to the search for a rogue digit in the first hundred thousand numbers of pi. I think it would be an entirely different reading experience if I could actually find those things.

Douglas Coupland also pokes fun at himself, which I think reads as really funny. Here are a few of my favorite lines:

"Pass me another Zima."
"Why are we drinking Zima? It's beyond irony. It's not funny or anything. It's just gross. Why not just serve us jugs of Hitler's piss instead?"
"Drinking Zima is something Douglas Coupland would make a character do."
"To what end?"
"It'd be a device that would allow him to locate the characters in time and a specific sort of culture."
"Is that all we are--Zima drinkers? Zima is so nineties."

And there's a very interesting subplot where Kaitlin, the girlfriend in the novel, becomes convinced that most people who work in high-tech fall into the autistic spectrum somewhere closer to the autism end than other people. To counteract this, she makes a hug machine. I was discussing this with Jen and Brian last night, and it seems to be true. At least Jen and I think so.

Anyway, it's a keeper. Jpod is the new Microserfs.

Gross Foods Prepared and Served Mostly by People of Dutch Ancestry

Okay, there are just some things that do not, and should not, go together. Lately I've had similar conversations with colleagues and friends about the disgusting foods that are always served at gatherings, mostly church related--potlucks, weddings, funerals, graduation parties... Having grown up with an Irish mother I avoided having to eat most of these in my own home, but a church potluck reminded me of a few of my least favorites this morning:

1. The most disgusting: Jello, particularly jello mixed with cool whip, with VEGETABLES in it. Gross! Fruit is weird, particularly pears, but celery???? I accidentally ate some this morning and was totally grossed out.
2. Ham buns. For those of you who might not be familiar with a ham bun, it's a slab of ham on a dinner roll. Not so bad in and of itself. However, the traditional ham bun is served with the roll (both sides) slathered in butter. And, lately I've seen a few with melted, processed cheese spread. Ick.
3. Sugar sandwiches and peanut butter/butter sandwiches. This may have just been my grade school and high school, but wow...a sugar sandwich consists of bread, butter and sugar, and the peanut butter at our school was always mixed 1 to 1 with butter.
   
4. Sloppy joes with potato chips on top. I don't so much mind the taste of a sloppy joe, but handling one is usually treacherous at best. And potato chips on top just puts it over the edge for me.
5. Pretzel/jello dessert. This is jello perversion that is second only to celery. There's a layer of pretzels in a dessert, under jello. "Don't they get soggy?" you ask. Yes! Soggy pretzels? Gross.
6. I don't know what to call it other than a food pile-up. People (my very own family members included) mix together corn, applesauce, mashed potatoes, and sometimes a piece of meat. Ick, ick, ick. Give me a divided, plastic plate anytime.
   

I'm sure I've missed a few, but these are my top offenders. Feel free to add to the list.

The end of it all

The last week and a half has been mentally exhausting, grading stacks of research papers, quarter tests, make-up work, and organizing drivers for field trips. After Monday, it will all be over. Today was the deadline for grades, but sadly I still have a little work left to do. After having a minor breakdown at school, my principal told me to go home and have a glass of wine. Check.

So as I was having this glass of wine and unwinding from a stressful day, I started reading one of the last assignments my 7th graders did for me. I asked them to write a short letter to the 6th grade class, for me to read to them on their first day of seventh grade.

Here is the best advice (both wise and funny), excerpted from their letters (spelling and emphasis theirs:

• Two good events in seventh grade are Spiritual Retreat and LaserQuest (don't let Miss De brag about her beating you or us; it's a long story.
• If you ever want to see your phone again, don't let the teachers see it.
• Also, if you think no one is interested in the opposite sex in the seventh grade, you don't have very good common sense, be prepared for more couples.
• First of all, never try to suck-up to your teachers. It DOESN'T work. Second, if you have a problem, talk to an 8th grader or a teacher. P.S. If you're ever smelling lotion, don't squeeze the bottle. I know from personal experience.
  
• Teachers will respect you more if you do your homework and ask questions. And don't borderline dress code, it's really embarrasing to have to change into your P.E. shorts.
• During later classes in the afternoon you can drift off and watch the P.E. classes out the window
• Don't try to get in trouble on purpose
• Don't try to argue with Mrs. B, you'll NEVER win
• Don't argue with any of the women teachers, you'll NEVER win
• Some of the teachers might seem iffy at the beginning, but toward the middle of the year they might turn out to be funny, or do something to surprise you.
  

And here's one student's whole letter, after I clearly said I wanted two paragraphs, and/or a do/don't list: "Dear Sixth Grader, It's good to know that Miss De is strickt and it's not a good idea to upset her."

We had an all-school skating party today, and it was so much fun! I wasn't exactly looking forward to today after many restless nights of sleeplessness, but it was definitely more fun than I had thought it would be. For one thing, the little kids were hilarious. Most of them couldn't skate well, and the 1st grade teacher told her kids they had to wear helmets, and lots of them did. That was really cute. Also, the "couple skate" brought back so many memories of middle school...ah, the drama. It also reminded me of the many Saturday mornings my brothers and I used to spend skating at Magic Wheels, a skating rink near our house. I think there's actually a picture of me when I was 5 skating with someone dressed up as a giant pink carebear.

Probably the best part of the skating party was that one of the teachers requested some music from the good old days--Wannabe by the Spice Girls, and Girls Just Wanna Have Fun by Cyndi Lauper. Bring on the 80s.

Argh!

I can't sleep. My poor students...I've felt exhausted every day this week for lack of sleep. It's aggravating to me because I like to be very efficient. If I'm not sleeping, I should be doing something else, not just lying in bed waiting to sleep.

So, I'm making a list of activities I'd like to do this summer. My colleague/friend Becky and I have been talking about what to do since we're both not working this summer for the first time in many moons. Here's what we've discussed so far:

1) Outlet mall shopping
2) Trip to the aquarium
3) Trip to the beach (with books, yea!)
4) Quilting (Becky knows how and will teach me, though I'm not sure I have the patience)
5) Laying out by the pool at my apartment
6) Shopping for a bike for me--again, Becky is the expert here

I'm not sure what else...there's always the library, and maybe Donna can teach me some of the HTML stuff she's learning...

Other ideas?

Today we finished up our film unit and the last academic day of school with The March of the Penguins. Here's the review of one of my seventh graders:

"It's only slightly inspirational because it's narrated by Morgan Freeman."

Hester

So, I traded in Viktoria the viola. After having a few lessons and hearing my teacher's viola, I realized that Viktoria was cheap and sounded more like a toy viola than a real viola. I went to a strings shop to look for a viola, and they were so incredibly helpful. Most shopkeepers in CA don't seem overly friendly to me, but these guys were exceptional. They let me take home two different violas on approval (something I thought only happened in IA). I chose this one because it has the best tone. A lot darker and richer than the one I had before. I decided to name her Hester. It fits for a lot of reasons. First, the sound is dark and rich, much like Hester Prynne I think. I've been re-reading the Scarlet Letter lately, and I really admire Hester's character. Yeah, she's an adulterer, but I think she proves that she's a very strong and yet humble woman in the face of that. Also, and less significantly, the apartment I live in is the "Hester" model.

Anyway, I've learned a lot about stringed instruments. I had no idea that wood could be "flamed," like it is in the second picture. I guess it's a natural state for some wood, and it's admired in stringed instruments. Also, I guess I always thought that violins and violas were mostly flat, but not so. I think that the back of the instrument resembles a human back.

I'm also increasing my repertoire. I've learned some fingering, and now I can "play" a few more songs, mostly old hymns. I say "play" because it still sounds much like a sick cat. Someday, someday...

Good Times with the Young'uns

Today was one of those times when I really appreciate 8th graders. These times are increasingly rare as the school year marches on toward Thursday. Since I only had 1 class period left today with one of the 8th grade classes, I decided to have them do extemporaneous speeches, mostly for fun. They wrote topics, put them into a basket, and then picked one out to speak on.

Here are my favorite topics from today:
1. Delicatessan Meats
2. Cheeses
3. Trees
4. Anime

I know they're probably supposed to be on current events, but these were hilarious. The poor girl who got delicatessan meats didn't know what a delicatessan was, but she did a fine job of singing the praises of bologna. I told them they could make stuff up if they didn't know it, as long as they spoke with confidence. She make up "risercha" meat, after she saw the word "research" written on the board. One boy tried to incite the class to rise up against anime, calling it clown cartoons and people with disproportionately large heads. The girl who got the topic of trees talked about how she wouldn't want to be a tree, and how she'd hate squirrels living in her. She started to talk about how she wouldn't want squirrels running up her....and then stopped, realizing that we were leaving the G rated arena.

Anyway, I'm glad there are still fun times, even though everyone has been made crazy by the end of the year.

Check it out! Josh finally posted something about his engagement. Congratulations, Josh and Sarah!!!!!

Ew!

My kids are taking quarter tests today, which are like exams except that they only cover the current quarter's material. When they take these tests I sit up front to supervise. This morning, at the beginning of the test, one of my kids was burrowing deep into his ear with his pinky and then licking his finger. Ew!

Jpod!

Has anyone read or seen Jpod, the newest Douglas Coupland novel? I read somewhere that it's supposed to be the Microserfs of the Google generation. I was really disappointed with Miss Wyoming, so I'm a little leary of this book messing up Microserfs for me too. Anyone read it?

A Delightful Afternoon

This afternoon my church had a combined Pentencost service with the Korean church that rents our building. It was an outdoor service at a local park with an amazing view of the hills around us. After the service there was a potluck with lots of good fruit, kim-chi, and outstanding Korean BBQ.

The service itself was interesting, and very fitting for Pentecost. We had two readers, one in English and one in Korean. Then the sermon was also given in both languages. Maybe it's because I really love linguistics, but I love listening to other languages being spoken. And I actually got to participate today. The person who was going to read the scripture was home sick with his kid, so I got to read the Pentecost story from the book of Acts for our church.

It was so nice to actually want to hang out with people from church. Usually I'm not wanting to hang around after church for a long time because I hate the awkwardness of trying to figure out who to talk to, but the people in this church are so friendly. Janelle and I even played on the swings, even if it was on her daughter's command. :)

The afternoon was gorgeous as well--upper 70s, a light breeze, perfect weather for being outdoors.

Good, Solid Names

In August I will, Lord willing, become the proud aunt of another little baby. No one (including myself) seems to believe that being the older, wiser aunt gives me any naming rights, but that doesn't keep me from thinking about it.

Although I love my nephew dearly, I really hope this one's a girl. And, I also hope she gets a good, solid name. One of my colleagues in Haiti told me about the custom of giving a name in the hopes that the child will grow up into the meaning. That seems wise to me. Also, it helps you avoid the trendy names that have little meaning, like Madison, McKenzey, etc. Sorry if any of you have children named that...but ick. So, even though I don't think anyone in my family reads this, here are the top 5 names and meanings I think would be good choices for the little one:

Eva: Giver of Life
Anna: Gracious
Grace: Grace
Kate: Pure
Zora: Dawn

And, just for fun, my top 5 cat names:

Chairman Mao (say it out loud)
Mr. Kittyhead
Gladys
Quiddie (sorry Amanda, I'm taking it back)
Dog

This guy makes me laugh out loud. I hope I see him in Haiti this summer.

Is it over yet?

The end of the school year makes me want to drink in a bad way. In fact, there was a gin and tonic consumed tonight after school. There are five days of school left, with 1 of those being an all-school skating party.

There are a few things that make the end of the year crazy. First, this year I have 36 research papers to grade between tomorrow and next Friday. Thankfully I've read them all at least once and am grading on a rubric, but it's daunting. Also, the kids are c-r-a-z-y, and not in the good way. Sometimes they're crazy and funny and I have good stories to post here. Lately they're just crazy annoying. Like today two eighth-graders thought it was HILARIOUS to get up every other minute to sharpen tiny pencils, break the ends, and repeat the routine. Some weird stuff.

Oh, and know how when you go to the movies you don't like to sit near the pre-teens because they are constantly talking through it? Yeah, same thing at school. It's somewhat amusing, but 13 year-olds simply cannot watch a movie without making comments on it. So, after every dog fight in Call of the Wild, there are a million comments about what they would've done in that situation, if they were dogs.

I don't know if it's like this for other teachers, but I am SO ready for this year to be over.

One semi-funny kid story to leave you with--D, this tall, lanky red-headed 8th grader (some of the kids call him a ginger kid, like that one episode of South Park) was galloping across the playground like a horse, singing "I can't wait to sign in to day care" in at least 3 different keys, and once in falsetto. This is the same kid who sang the organic chemistry song on our field trip to the library. Yea for singing.